Loneliness In Elders Cause for Concern

Hi, Carol.  I can so relate to this issue.  I have always considered myself a "loner" though I am seen by others to be very social.  Yes, I can take social moments with others, but I also need my "down time".  I am alone.  I am not bored.  I do not watch endless tv...I write, I think, and I even sleep sometimes.  It is an actual physical need for me.  I would "suffocate" if I had to be with others all the time.  Since the dementia, I have grown more intune with my need of solace.  I used to worry what others were thinking, but I don't care any more.  For the first time, I had a favorite nephew come over and I did not go to meet him.  I let my husband sit with him.  I had showered, I was still exhausted from my family reunion the day before and I was laying on bed...I think my husband felt I was wrong not to get dressed and go down, but I just couldn't...I was feeling physically sick...and I just couldn't force myself to go down to be with them no matter how much I love them!  I don't know if you can understand this, but I think you can.  It is not something I have control over.  I am just learning to live with it.  I can't imagine what I'll be like in another twenty years!

Thanks for your wonderful messages!  Keep on reading and writing.  I truly enjoy it!

Your friend, Leah

It is so true. My father-in-law is antisocial and yet he said he is lonely because we are not there or that he has no spouse. Often he said he is alone even if there is a caregiver next to him. He always has a caregiver now. But at times he is lonely. So he likes to try to play with women hoping they can be his date or mate. That won't happen but he tries. We are thinking as time goes, he would be better off in a nursing home in a year. Home care is expensive anyway and we cannot afford that unless we move back to be with him. Eventually I think the community can help his loneliness even though he is antisocial and does not play games. He only likes to take a walk and talks to women. He can relate to a guy like he is his colleague or a friend. I don't think he is totally antisocial. No one is really antisocial unless he is mentally ill (not AD.) One could want to be alone but no one likes to be lonely. He can no longer work on his career as he forgot about it in details now so no writing or reading for him. I believe at this point, the community can play a role.

Regards,
Nina

Hi Carol, thank you for the share post, I read it and it's is strange that you talked about a subject that has been going on here that I have worrid about. As the disease progresses with Ray he is withdrawing more and more. He is isolating himself in his room. I have tried everything to draw him out but I think he is beginning to feel like that is his safe place. Our younger granddaughter came over last week (17) she had been here two hours and talked to her poppy while here, I noticed he seemed distant but didn't question him. Two hours into her visit I went in his room to check on him and he looked at me and ask who was at the house, I told him it was Jamie Lea and he said OH. I know he is begging to forget more and more and I know she dosen't come often but I was still shocked he didn't remember our other grand daughter that has been here so much. He never leaves the house except to go to the doctor. He use to fish a lot and our new grandson tried to take him fishing and he said he was sick and couldn't go. We then told him we were all going to Walmart and ask him to come he said no. We ask about going out to dinner he said go with out me. I even tried to get him  to just go for a drive to some of the old places we use to go not to get out just drive around and he said no. The alzheimers steals a little more of him each day. He is having a difficult time finding the right words and I know we are approaching the really bad part. I have pretty much made the decision to go with Hospice, he has so many other medical problems, his congestive heart failure is getting bad. he told me even with his oxygen he is having problems breathing and is losing what strength he had. I have had Phenemonia for three weeks and been very sick. I see the doctor this morning and I am going to ask about either home health care or Hospice. I have to have knee replacement surgery and before I can do that I have to have a definate plan of action. Thank you so much you have helped more then you know.Connie

Hello. I enjoyed your article about Alzheimers and how it relates to lonlineness. 

I'm not a doctor, but I believe you may have Asperger Syndrome. What you describe sounds a lot like it. I know that I have it! 

I must have some alone time to re-group my thoughts.  I was working at a residential center for teenagers and I always wondering why (at 2pm) when all of the boys would be in the dorm (about 30 of them)  and I'd just want to leave the dorm since it got sooo loud.  After about a month, I just could not take it anymore and I just did not go to the dorm at 2pm, since my schedule allowed me to have a break at 2pm for 15 mins. What a relief that was to get away from all of the loud noise! 

I sometimes DO get lonley since

1. I do not have any friends near where I live

2. I have no car (not since my car accident in 2003)

3. I'm 33 and single

4. I have no brothers/sisters

5. I have no job (not since March 2007)

6. Not even dating!

I wonder how Alzheimers relates to elderly people with Austim or Asperger Syndrome. It may be something that I'm going to research now that I've read your article. I'm sure that many people that do have A.S could get Alzheimers as well. 

Again, thank you for your article!