Awareness of Personal Growth During Caregiving Can Help Caregiver Health

In a story on health.usnews.com titled "Caregivers Face Multiple Strains Tending Older Parents," a study was examined that showed "middle-aged adults who regularly help their elderly parents get by experience a drop in health and well-being in their own lives..." The study is reported in an edition of the Journal of Gerontology: Social Sciences earlier this year.

The research team studied diaries of adult caregivers, and the diaries showed that, "... accumulation of small and large daily stressors such as work deadlines, PTA meetings, supporting family and friends as well as providing routine assistance to a parent living outside one's house can build up," study leader Jyoti Savla, assistant professor of human development and gerontology at Virginia Tech, said in a university news release."

I doubt that any of you readers are gasping with surprise at this news flash. Most of us know that caregiving is a 24/7 job, whether the care receiver lives with you or in another home. If you are the responsible person, the elder is always hovering somewhere in your mental sphere.

What I found interesting about this particular study is that it showed that those who believed in, "personal growth, mastery and self-acceptance experienced fewer negative consequences from helping their parents."

Accepting the fact that our parents need our help is emotionally draining for many of us. Accepting the fact that our life plans are taking a dramatic turn from what we'd planned can also be emotionally draining. Even those of us who have a close, loving relationship with our parents often find ourselves exhausted with the demands of caregiving when it's added to an already crunched schedule of children, jobs and extra activities.

I was a sandwich generation caregiver before the term was coined. I never skipped a beat when my elders started needed help. It was just something that needed to be done, and I wanted to help them. I also had two children, one with chronic health issues. I never stopped to think, "Gee, I shouldn't be taking on this extra person's needs.

I think this is true of most caregivers. It's there to do, so we do it. The idea that we start early recognizing that this is another job, and start early on with making plans for help, is fodder for another post. The idea of attitude is what I want to focus on here.

I know, personally, that if I accept something as it is - not whether or not I like it, but as it is - I can generally handle the situation better. That's easiest to do when that "something" is short-lived. In the case of caregiving for an elder, the first few episodes may well be temporary. So, just accepting the situation and doing what needs to be done works pretty well.

However, caregiving often sneaks up on us, one grocery shopping trip at a time, one lawn mowing at a time, one medical appointment at a time. Our total emersion into being a caregiver on top of all of our other duties is often so gradual we barely notice until we are suddenly overwhelmed.