Refusing to Visit an Elder in a Care Center

Carol Bradley Bursack is Answering questions Caregiver Author, blogger and eldercare columnist For over twenty years author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley... Send Message Subscribe: Carol Bradley Bursack

Monday, December 01, 2008
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The holiday season is, by nature, a time when many go back to wherever "home" is, to visit aging parents. In Home for the Holidays: Be Prepared, I wrote about some issues that can accompany these visits, such as the shock of seeing a parent in worse shape than expected, and the flip side of that, pro...

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Thank you Carol
Caring kb
Monday, December 01, 2008 at 11:56 AM

Thank you Carol,

My sister has no problem visiting our Dad in his home.

However, our Dad has a sister, whom we have all loved and cherished. She is 9 years older than Dad. Aunt Sudie has been in an assisted living home nearly three years (Alzheimer's unit). My younger sister cannot go there. She has tried. I am forwarding this much needed information to my sister.

Your Expertise Is Genuinely Appreciated!

Kay

re: Thank you Carol
Carol Bradley Bursack
Monday, December 01, 2008 at 12:11 PM

Thanks, Kay. It is very hard for some people, and we need to sympathize, but we can hope your sister can pay a visit. It will mean a lot.

Carol

re: Thank you Carol
Carol Bradley Bursack
Monday, December 01, 2008 at 12:11 PM

Thanks, Kay. It is very hard for some people, and we need to sympathize, but we can hope your sister can pay a visit. It will mean a lot.

Carol

Right, again
dadcarer
Wednesday, December 03, 2008 at 03:40 AM

You always seem to know just what's going on in our family! Fortunately my siblings don't have a problem visiting a nursing home facility (though they'd rather not if given the choice), but adult grandchildren and great grandchildren certainly do. Am I expecting too much? I really would like to send them this article but am afraid it may alienate them even more. Thanks for bringing all these issues to light and suggesting good solutions.

re: Right, again
Carol Bradley Bursack
Wednesday, December 03, 2008 at 07:42 AM

Yeah, I read minds :)

Actually, this is why support from caregivers who have "been there" works. We know what it's like.

It was very hard for my teenagers to visit their beloved grandparents after dementia set in. Think about how hard it is for adults. They did it, but it was painful. I maybe should have insisted on more visiting from them, but I did want them to keep their fond memories, as they were so close to my parents when they were growing up.

I think you may be right that forwarding the article could cause bad feelings, as they will feel judged. But I also know the temptation! I guess you'll have to call that one.

Thanks for your encouragement. I do try to tackle issues that affect many of us at one time or another.

Carol