Making the decision to place an elder in a nursing home is one of the most grueling decisions many adult children have to make. Ideally, we'd always be able to take care of "our own" for the duration of their lives. However, life is often not ideal.
My mother was in her own apartment for a n...
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an elderly is not a child
N.C.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 01:09 AM
Carol, thanks for your post. This spells out our feelings about sending the elderly to a home. You are also right that an elderly is not a child although they may behave like a child but their mind is not like a child even though it may be delusional. In Chinese culture, there is a saying that the older people have become children. I think it is true that the elderly grows to be naive or simple-minded without the trouble in the working places and so on, but they are definitely not children. For myself, in a way I do have fear for the elderly as they may be strict and conservative in their attitude. Or at least we need to respect them because they think they know better and that's how they live a long life. You are right, one should not compare them to children like what my sister does. One thing for sure is the elderly still think they have the authority when they are alert as parents. Even when my FIL acts like a child, we can tell that he at times tries to be an adult or be himself although in the wrong context. He will never be a child, I know, even if he acts like a child. The caregivers like to say he is like a child and even talk before him for anything. In the summertime, he is more alert and tries to join the talk. So he is for sure an adult with frustration and acts like a child, but he is not a child.
Thanks again for the post.
Nina
re: an elderly is not a child
Carol Bradley Bursack
Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 08:08 AM
Thanks, Nina. Yes, it's true they may act like a child, but an elder has a legacy of life that cannot and should not be ignored. That is demeaning. It's hard, at times, for a caregiver to remember this, but it must be remembered. Our parents are never our children, no matter how they act.
Thanks, as always, for your valuable input on the site.
Carol
Carol, thanks for your post. This spells out our feelings about sending the elderly to a home. You are also right that an elderly is not a child although they may behave like a child but their mind is not like a child even though it may be delusional. In Chinese culture, there is a saying that the older people have become children. I think it is true that the elderly grows to be naive or simple-minded without the trouble in the working places and so on, but they are definitely not children. For myself, in a way I do have fear for the elderly as they may be strict and conservative in their attitude. Or at least we need to respect them because they think they know better and that's how they live a long life. You are right, one should not compare them to children like what my sister does. One thing for sure is the elderly still think they have the authority when they are alert as parents. Even when my FIL acts like a child, we can tell that he at times tries to be an adult or be himself although in the wrong context. He will never be a child, I know, even if he acts like a child. The caregivers like to say he is like a child and even talk before him for anything. In the summertime, he is more alert and tries to join the talk. So he is for sure an adult with frustration and acts like a child, but he is not a child.
Thanks again for the post.
Nina