The Importance of Conversing With a Person Who Has Dementia: Some Tips

Carol,

This is interesting. Some visitors don't really know what to talk to my FIL about. Somehow he still has one Polish female friend who loyally calls him once a week. She is in her 50s so she is not in his generation. He wrote her reference for her work long time ago. I believe she is in this because she cares about him as the person from the same home town. This Polsih friend of his is special - I think she studies brain or memory also. But she does not come to see him anymore.

On the other hand, my FIL has 2 female friends who are in the 70s and cannot seem to cope. One of them comes at times but does not want to talk to him on the phone anymore. The other one never called or came much and whenever she called rarely, he just forgot her and so she does not feel like calling much anymore.... One of his male friend who used to write him is gone (he lost his own wife last year so he has his own problem.) One colleague came last year and my FIL never responded with some talk (he was just listening to him not sure if he remembers the details. But he told me he remembered this colleague! He does not even remember his old office!)

The thing is, even if the friends all know his history, sometimes they don't feel like talking in the mode of therapy. Now he is in this conversation mode that is like therapy. One has to either white lie or pamper him or comfort him or agree with him. No more 2-way street. I think sometimes people are looking for 2-way street in communication. If not, they just don't show up anymore. Not that they cannot cope with this nature for themselves, but they just cannot communicate this way with him.

I think it is no one's fault. Friends expect 2-way communication and if they don't get it, they leave. Not that they don't care. The lady complained to my husband that my FIL forgot her. She is nice saying we can ask her to help. But she does not talk to him much. One would have to talk to my FIL once a week so he can remember something about the caller.

Take care,

Nina

My mother-in-law came out of minor back surgery totally lost. We had to move her in with us after she recovered and she has been on a rapid decline in her alzheimers world. Today I had to call an ambulance because she had a bad seizure. My husband and I are now thinking maybe she is better off in a nursing home because maybe we aren't doing all we can for her. She has lived with us for a year and a half and can no longer get herself a glass of water. This is a horrible disease and anyone who has new information on treatment would be greatly appreciated. We have had physical and occupational therapists, home nurses and she just won't cooperate with the help they are trying to give. We are out of answers and thoughts as to what to do.