My Beloved Husband is Dying

Hi I say this with great sadness but my beloved husband is dying. The Alzheimers has accelerated so quickiy. That is not what is killing him. He has started going into organ failure. His whole body is starting to shut down.

It's been an amazing and long odicy. Heart attacks his legs amputate and then COPD and congestive heart failure. Then two years ago this past September alzheimers. He had had it about three years before the official diagnosis. Now this. Two days ago he had a mild stroke.

We started Home Health care about three months ago and he seemed to do fine until after Christmas and the rapid decline started. By New Years day he was a Home Hospice patient. The nurses have been so wonderful and shocked at his rapid decline. I had been lying to myself saying I was ready. I was not. Not this fast I have been thinking. Two days ago my husband quit eating. He only drinks when we hold a cup for him.

The Chaplin came yesterday because the nurse told him I wasn't handling this well. I had been telling everyone I was fine I was good I would survive this. I lost it yesterday. For all the brave talk for all the words I find I am not prepared. I hadn't picked out a funeral home I have made no arrangements. I had planned to but kept putting it off thinking in some part of my mind this wasn't real this was a disease that would be horrible but would not take him quickly. Every Alzheimers patient is different they give us no manual when they diagnosis this horrid disease. They give us no time line so we think it won't happen we have plenty of time. I have learned the hard way we do not.

They are taking away all nonessential medications. By that I mean the only thing he will recieve now is Pain control. Nothing can be done to make him better and I have to let go. I have held firm and he is still home difficult yes impossible no. I made a promise and as hard as each day is I stand firm. He has a DNR. I now pray for God to be merciful and take him swiftly and painlessly.

You may not hear a lot from me for a little while but I will never leave this site. I need to see this through to the end with my husband. I still have my early morning hours I am on here but mostly I sit by his bed waiting for God to carry him home. I ask you all to pray for both of us. For Ray I ask you pray God be merciful and swift for me strength to carry on. Please keep writing you have all helped me so much. As I said when I am setting by his bed and he is sleeping I gain so much encouragement from you emails. I thank you all you have helped so much and continue to.

This site and all my friends I have made here have been my life line. I will never leave here. I hope to one day be able to share my experiences with caring for my beloved and maybe I can help someone by reaching out. You have all been so wonderful. From the depths of my heart I Thank You All. Connie in Texas