My Beloved Husband is Dying

Connie Moore Community Member January 17, 2009
  • Hi I say this with great sadness but my beloved husband is dying. The Alzheimers has accelerated so quickiy. That is not what is killing him. He has started going into organ failure. His whole body is starting to shut down.

     

    It's been an amazing and long odicy. Heart attacks his legs amputate and then COPD and congestive heart failure. Then two years ago this past September alzheimers. He had had it about three years before the official diagnosis. Now this. Two days ago he had a mild stroke.

     

    We started Home Health care about three months ago and he seemed to do fine until after Christmas and the rapid decline started. By New Years day he was a Home Hospice patient. The nurses have been so wonderful and shocked at his rapid decline. I had been lying to myself saying I was ready. I was not. Not this fast I have been thinking. Two days ago my husband quit eating. He only drinks when we hold a cup for him.

     

    The Chaplin came yesterday because the nurse told him I wasn't handling this well. I had been telling everyone I was fine I was good I would survive this. I lost it yesterday. For all the brave talk for all the words I find I am not prepared. I hadn't picked out a funeral home I have made no arrangements. I had planned to but kept putting it off thinking in some part of my mind this wasn't real this was a disease that would be horrible but would not take him quickly. Every Alzheimers patient is different they give us no manual when they diagnosis this horrid disease. They give us no time line so we think it won't happen we have plenty of time. I have learned the hard way we do not.

     

    They are taking away all nonessential medications. By that I mean the only thing he will recieve now is Pain control. Nothing can be done to make him better and I have to let go. I have held firm and he is still home difficult yes impossible no. I made a promise and as hard as each day is I stand firm. He has a DNR. I now pray for God to be merciful and take him swiftly and painlessly.

     

    You may not hear a lot from me for a little while but I will never leave this site. I need to see this through to the end with my husband. I still have my early morning hours I am on here but mostly I sit by his bed waiting for God to carry him home. I ask you all to pray for both of us. For Ray I ask you pray God be merciful and swift for me strength to carry on. Please keep writing you have all helped me so much. As I said when I am setting by his bed and he is sleeping I gain so much encouragement from you emails. I thank you all you have helped so much and continue to.

     

    This site and all my friends I have made here have been my life line. I will never leave here. I hope to one day be able to share my experiences with caring for my beloved and maybe I can help someone by reaching out. You have all been so wonderful. From the depths of my heart I Thank You All. Connie in Texas

     

     

6 Comments
  • Anonymous
    BILLIE JEANNE L...
    Feb. 03, 2010

    MY JOURNEY STARTED 4 YEARS AGO. I KEPT HIM HOME FOR THOSE 4 YEARS AND TOOK CARE OF HIM UNTIL I ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITOL FROM SEVERE ANXIETY. WHEN I RETURNED HOME HE CONTINUED TO GET WORSE TO THE POINT I WAS FORCED TO PUT HIM IN A NURSING HOME. AT THIS TIME HE HAS ENTERED INTO THE END OF THE END STAGES. I CHERISH THE 35 YEARS GOD BLESSED US WITH . I HAVE NEVER...

    RHMLucky777

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    MY JOURNEY STARTED 4 YEARS AGO. I KEPT HIM HOME FOR THOSE 4 YEARS AND TOOK CARE OF HIM UNTIL I ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITOL FROM SEVERE ANXIETY. WHEN I RETURNED HOME HE CONTINUED TO GET WORSE TO THE POINT I WAS FORCED TO PUT HIM IN A NURSING HOME. AT THIS TIME HE HAS ENTERED INTO THE END OF THE END STAGES. I CHERISH THE 35 YEARS GOD BLESSED US WITH . I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A DEMONIC DISEASE, AND MY HEART IS SO EMPTY WITHOUT HIM AND ALSO HAVING TO WATCH HIM DETERIATE LIKE HE HAS. TODAY THEY ORDERED MORPHINE, AS NEEDED FOR PAIN. MY HUSBAND IS ONLY 67 YEARS OLD.HE'S BEEN IN THE HOME FOR ONE YEAR. I KNOW THE END IS NEAR AND I THOUGHT I WAS READY BUT I'M NOT I CAN'T BELIEVE I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN UNTIL I JOIN HIM IN HEAVEN,TOUCH HIS FACE, KISS HIM. I WENT EVERYDAY TO SEE HIM FOR 7 MONTHS AND THEN EVERY OTHER DAY THESE LAST MONTHS. I WASHED HIS CLOTHES ALL THE WAY THROUGH SO HE'D SMELL LIKE DOWNEY. HE LOVED THAT SMELL. MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE GOING THROUGH THIS. GOD BLESS YOU AND HOLD YOU TIGHT

    • Connie Moore
      Feb. 04, 2010

      Billie

      Hi I am so very sorry.

      I am not going to say  I know how you feel I don't my journey in some ways is over.

      I will say this you have done the right thing. I kept going kept taking care of my beloved husband and now he is gone but the after math remains. My health is in the trash. It has been a year and My body has still not recovered. I was so busy...

      RHMLucky777

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      Billie

      Hi I am so very sorry.

      I am not going to say  I know how you feel I don't my journey in some ways is over.

      I will say this you have done the right thing. I kept going kept taking care of my beloved husband and now he is gone but the after math remains. My health is in the trash. It has been a year and My body has still not recovered. I was so busy making sure he had as happy and quality of life possible I neglected myself way to much and I am now paying a horrible price. Don't get me wrong I made my choice and I wouldn't change a thing but if I were ask I would not recommend it to any one. I loved him so much and I still do. I wish I had a way to say it will get better. Hold onto your love for him.

      This is the most demonic disease there is it sucks the life out of the patient and the family caring for them. You are only human and you can only do so much before you do exactly what they the patient in their normal loving minds would never want you to do. SACRAFICE YOURSELF. If Ray were alive he would be so very upset with me. He loved me so very much and would never have wanted me going through what I am going through right now. If your husband could tell you this he would don't KILL YOURSELF  doing this. I know he would with the love you two share but unfortunately he is unable to tell you this so I will tell you for him. Don't beat yourself up because you cannot do it any more. He would not want this and you know it. Ask your self this very important question knowing what you know now about this disease would you want him to do this. I know the answer and you would say no.

      Billie yes he still feels and yes he still knows things he will still have good times and bad ones. Remember how he was before and let that help carry you through. It is so difficult and I hated it when someone said I know how you feel because no they don't. Each relationship is different each love is different and it is you now going through this not them. If you ever want to talk write me. If I can help I will. Please take care of yourself and remember this it is you that is going through this at this moment and only you know what you can handle and what he would want you to do and what you feel right now. Share your feelings here talk and talk some more. Tell the ones you love how you feel and Billie you make sure get the help that you need to get through this okay.  Ask for help and don't be afraid to tell them when enough is enough and to give you space. You have to be able to say when and what you need help with at this moment.

      Your new friend

      Hugs

      Connie

       

  • Sandy
    Jan. 23, 2009

    Connie....my condolences. May God give you the strength to go on. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Big hugs and love to  you.

     

    Sandy

     

  • lyleswife
    Jan. 22, 2009

    Dear Connie:

    We haven't met but I have read your posts and you have answered some of mine.  I appreciate so much all the sharing you have done - like you said, this web site is my lifeline in lots of respects, just to know other people are going through the same things.  I am so sorry to hear about your husband's passing away.  I know that is...

    RHMLucky777

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    Dear Connie:

    We haven't met but I have read your posts and you have answered some of mine.  I appreciate so much all the sharing you have done - like you said, this web site is my lifeline in lots of respects, just to know other people are going through the same things.  I am so sorry to hear about your husband's passing away.  I know that is in the near/not so near future for my mom.  I can only pray she goes easily - this is such a horrible disease, this Alzheimer's.  I wouldn't even wish it on people I don't care for.  Please keep posting when you are up to it.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Deb

  • Anonymous
    Kathy
    Jan. 19, 2009

    Connie,

            First let me say that you and your husband are in my prayers tonight as I found your post. I was in those same shoes with my dad 3 1/2 years ago. My mother was diagnosed in November 2008 . I have brothers but are mostly MIA when it comes to dealing with my mom's day to day issues. I am now having to realize...

    RHMLucky777

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    Connie,

            First let me say that you and your husband are in my prayers tonight as I found your post. I was in those same shoes with my dad 3 1/2 years ago. My mother was diagnosed in November 2008 . I have brothers but are mostly MIA when it comes to dealing with my mom's day to day issues. I am now having to realize I will have to deal with this horrible disease once again. I too will never stop coming to this site . My only regret is that I did'nt find it sooner.

     

                                                     God Bless,

                                                       Kathy in Texas

  • Sandy
    Jan. 17, 2009

    Connie....Ray and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

     

    Sandy