My Beloved Husband is Gone

Dear friends,

I don't know where to begin I already know how it ends.

I have been here and shared with everyone my role as the care giver of my husband with alzheimers. My husband was the love of my life. Over the past thirty years we have shared so much, love, friendship, children and grandchildren. We had the priviledge of sharing in the joy of our only great grandson Mikhail. I came here to this site when I could no longer live in denial that my beloved had alzheimers. I have told you of the struggles. Ray has had five heart attacks lost both legs,congestive heart failure and COPD but he kept on fighting and with each new trial he walked closer with God.

Friends my beloved husband lost his struggle with all his diseases on Janurary 19 2009 at 9:35.

I hope I can get this right so you will all see that this wonderful man left me went to heaven with the same grace and loving way he accepted the loss of both legs.

Ray started getting really bad on friday 2-16-09. I knew he was getting bad I just didn't know how bad.  I started sleeping in his room I dared not leave his side.

On the 17th at about 2:00 in the morning I realized he was fighting to hang on. I washed his face and kissed him and sat on his bed. I opened up his Bible and laid it on his chest. I read 23rd Psalms to him and told him I loved him. I then told him with his bible still on his chest that when he was ready to go with God, I assured him I would be alright yes I will miss you I said and yes I will grieve but I will honor you by continuing on living and fighting to let the world know all you have done for our country and to try to help others battling this same disease. I never slept.

On the 18th our granddaughter Mackenzie came over and shaved and washed her Poppy's face. She kissed him and sat on his bed. Mackenzie took his hand and said " Poppy I am here and I love you. Poppy please don't worry about Mimi I will take care of her for you. It's time for you to walk with God." That was the last time Ray opened his eyes. Mackenzie went home and told me call if anything changes.

Our mother was with us then. Momma and I took turns washing his face and telling him we loved him. Momma loved him as her own son and he loved her so much his loved shined in his eyes everytime he looked at her.

I slept on the floor that night and again called hospice and they told me he was just in pain and first thing Monday morning his nurse would come and they would change his pain medication. Momma and I knew she was wrong.

All night long bathing Rays face and praying for God to help I was standing by his bed when all of a sudden I so strange. For days Ray had weakly kept pointing at the ceiling trying to tell me and Momma something. That time he did not raise his arms he didn't have to because his roomed filled with loved ones that had gone before him.  I don't know how I knew I saw no faces but so many spirits of loved ones that had gone before him were in the room with us but I was not frightened there was so much love all around the two of us.. I never had met my Great grandmother but she was there holding her Bible,my beloved Uncle who had passed many years before was there. The room was so full of spirits I could not move. Ray settled down and the room changed their presense were still there but I could breathe and move then. They didn't leave they just relaxed and waited.