My Beloved Husband is Gone

Connie Moore is Widow of alzheimers patient Caregiver wife,mother,grandmother/greatgrandmother I am a widow of an Alzheimers Patient. In some ways i feel like I... Send Message Subscribe: Connie Moore

Sunday, January 25, 2009
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Dear friends, I don't know where to begin I already know how it ends. I have been here and shared with everyone my role as the care giver of my husband with alzheimers. My husband was the love of my life. Over the past thirty years we have shared so much, love, friendship, chil...

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Your story
LMyers1020
Sunday, January 25, 2009 at 09:38 AM

Connie,

Your story is beautiful. I am so sorry to hear about Ray but sounds as though the peace that you and Ray were looking for finally came. God was and is with you now. Through Ray he showed you what love turly is. Take care and write when you can. Your Al Pal.

Lesa

I am sorry
N.C.
Sunday, January 25, 2009 at 12:45 PM

Oh Dear Connie,

Your post made me cry! I am sorry Ray is gone. It was nice that you and your Mom were there with him and all the kids who came to help him out... You got a wonderful family and I hope Ray will bless you in heaven!

It is so sad. Please find comfort in the Lord and know that we still support you and will look forward to seeing your post in the future!

Love,

Nina

Re: love
Leah
Monday, January 26, 2009 at 11:09 AM

My spirit sister, you have used such beautiful words in testimony of Ray's life. You know how much I admire the way you attended to him even to its affecting your own health. The love you two shared was stronger than dementia. I am so happy that you wrote about the fact that the caregiver needs to realize that the "real" person is locked up inside, but he/she is still there. Thank you so very much for sharing such insight with all of us. May God continue to bless you through the grieving period and beyond. I look forward to reading more of your insight in the future.

Leah

My sincerest and deepest sympathy
Cynthia
Friday, January 30, 2009 at 11:32 AM

I have been a visitor to this site for a relatively short time but have read many responses from you to others and have always been struck by the depth of your wisdom, compassion and willingness to share what you have learned. You have touched many lives I am sure and wish you all of God's comfort as you face these days without Ray. It can be very hard to balance the grief over the loss with the gratitude for days you were able to share together. Do try to remember he is now free of all of his problems, and I'm quite certain is still with you, loving you and watching over you.

Cynthia

re: My sincerest and deepest sympathy
Connie Moore
Saturday, January 31, 2009 at 07:54 AM

Thank you so much. I have physically lost my beloved but he left me so many gifts. You can't touch or see them but he is now whole well and in Gods arms. He left me with one last kiss I wll forver feel on m face. One day soon I will tell all of you how wonderful his passing was and the peace God took him with.

God Bless all of you. Connie

Response
Dorian Martin
Sunday, February 01, 2009 at 06:15 PM

Hi, Connie,

I apologize for not posting sooner, but I've been out of town for most of the week. I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss of Ray. I also want to commend you for the grace that you've handled this difficult journey with your husband. I truly appreciate how much you wanted him to be happy and to be at peace. Based on what you've written, I believe that you succeeded (and Ray knows this)!

Also, I want you to know that I plan to make a donation in Ray's memory to the Alzheimer's Association. In doing so, I hope that researchers can find a way to eventually stop this terrible disease.

Please do take care of yourself! You are a GREAT person!

Dorian

re: Response
Connie Moore
Monday, February 02, 2009 at 03:24 AM

Dorian thank you so much. Everyone on this site has helped me make it though this odicy of alzheimers so much. No matter what time of day or night I have not felt alone. I have been able to open my computer at some of the most terrifying moments and been able to come here read post and comments and the comfort it has given me cannot be measured. As a care giver when you finally have a moment and they are resting you feel so lost and alone all you have to do is open your computer and you know that you will find a post to read that helps or just be able to pour your heart out. I will never leave this site. I want to be able to help others make it through this difficult journey. I have been through so much medically with Ray and myself but this by far was the worst most frightening and lonely feeling in the world. You feel so totally helpless. Sharing here keeps you going I know it did me and if reaching out to just one person helps I will feel it worth while.

Thank you so much for your donation in Ray's name. he sent me many flowers and cards over the years but we have both always felt flowers die do something that helps others and that last forever. Thank you there is no better cause. Connie

Blessings
Carol Bradley Bursack
Wednesday, February 04, 2009 at 09:25 AM

We've talked about this before, Connie, but I tear up everytime I read your eloquent post. I hope you are healing. Ray will always be with you, but now he'll be without the pain. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.

Blessings,

Carol

re: Blessings
Connie Moore
Monday, February 16, 2009 at 06:43 AM

Thank you Carol and everyone who has read our story it is four weeks today yet it still dosen't seem real. Yes he is gone and he suffers no more they keep saying this will get easier but it is so hard to see that right now. I can't leave this site or the many friends I have made here. I am trying to keep living and reaching out but I feel as if I am still dreaming and will wake up. No I don't want him to suffer any more but I miss him so much. Everyday I wake up at the same time and think I need to get up so Ray will sleep now but when I get up at 2:00 he is still gone and I cannot go back to sleep old habits are hard to break so I get on here and start reading all the post and try to answer as many as I can.

I took psychology classes in college but nothing can prepare you for this. You can't prepare your self for Alzheimers nor can you for the death of a loved one. It ironic that in so many ways you grieve the whole time your loved one has this horrible disease as you watch them leave you a little more each day. I prayed for God to take Ray swiftly and painlessly and he did so why can't I say okay he's not suffering any more and be happy with my prayer being answered because the human loving part of me misses our life together and it will never be the same for me again.

Without this site I would not have made it during this journey nor would I make it now without all the love and support I get from here. If I can say just one thing to make one of your smile or make your journey easier I will. Thank you so much. Connie