It begins Again

By Connie Moore Friday, November 27, 2009

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It has begin again. I will be leaving for Oklahoma today.

It is now my mother. My mother has taken the loss of Pop so hard. I have known for a while at the age of 80 Momma was having problems with her memory but I fear the loss of two son and a husband has pushed over the edge into not just some age dementia but something far worse. The grief I have suffered she has suffered has been to great in such a short time. I am not sure what I will find when I arrrive. I have to try to undo some of the damage others have done taking advantage of her in such a fragile state of mind. I will never understand people. By people I mean relatives that swoop in like vultures and are ready to clean a person out I know all are not like this but My God I feel as if I am surrounded by many. Memory's Love are the only important things of value in this world. Why can't people just allow loved ones to grieve support them hold theirs hands as they cry and show them they are still love just for them selves not for what they own.

I will keep you all posted as the new journey in my life as it unfolds. HUGS

Comments (13) | Add comment

Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide

11/27/09 7:46am

We are with you in our hearts, Connie. Please keep us posted.

Carol

Connie Moore

11/28/09 5:19am

This is really tricky here. Momma is 80 will be 81 in 5 months. I noticed before Dad died she seemed to repeat to much. She still drives a lot but I found out has pulled into two intersections busy ones. Having eyes tested and complete physical. Is this harder to figure out again because again I am to close to situation. I personnaly know what grief can do and I am trying to focus on that aspect of this and not the worst. I am trying to quietly just watch and see what happens. Wow so much in such a short period of time would really Rock anyones World. I thought finally I was making progress and getting here I have to accept I went home from here living in a fools paradise. Yes grief overwhelming amounts. I finally hit angry angry at the world God even Ray for my loss now this. I thought that meant I was on the way back up. Still hanging on and still trying to move forward. Thank you all Dear Friends.

11/27/09 12:05pm

Connie,

I am sorry that your Mom may have memory problem. Indeed it is a lot of loss in a short time. I hope it is temporary and you will be able to help her through your experiences.

Some people are indeed very tricky. On the surface they are friendly and seem helpful, but they probably want something out of our loss. At least for professional homecare caregivers, I can tell they are there for making money, not that they don't care for the patient. Sometimes they can go as far as saying they do the right thing and you are not, you know? Like we are trying to save lots of expenses for my FIL but the home care nurse threatened that a nursing home is bad for him now? When then? When she tells me it is too late for us to relocate my FIL for my husband to be closer to him? They say all the nice things but in fact they are doing this for themselves with all the strange reasons...

Anyway, I hope you will find a good way to help your Mom.

Take care,

Nina

Connie Moore

11/28/09 5:34am

Nina move him. They said the same thing about my Dad before his final placement. It was harder to get use to new enviroment but he did and was so happy before he died. Closer to family closer to friends. Move HIM NOW if at all possible. Yes it will cause some set back but the risk far out weighs the joy he will have being closer to you guys. It will become easier on him and easier on your family. I know from experience when Pop finally adjusted he during his good days say he was happy. Most places will say donn't move simply because they lose money. Lets all face it yesw there are good ones but they are in business to make money they are taught what to say and what not to say. My daughter is RN granddaughter CNA niece CNA and they would tell you this move him move him now these are business. Yes you have good great and not happening one. Yes some staff gets attached and are very sweet. We had three attend Pops funeral. Amazing when you think about it but it is a business they don't keep it full they can't run it. No one from the first one came. As long as he can physically make the trip and would definately do on early morning and have room set up and ready for him and looking as closly like old one as possible it really will help to get him closer. He will fight it possibly at first but he should adjust. Don't take home's word for moving or not they have financial loss at stake. Doctors that treat in nursing homes usually have some affiliation too. We judged Pops move on previous Dr not nursing home Dr and current medical status. Some living facilites prefer to transport themselves given notice new one not old one. Take care Nina. Let me know how it goes. Hugs

11/30/09 10:39am

Connie, Sorry about your Dad. I am pleased that he was happy in the home.

We have just submitted the application to be on a waiting list Sat. So we are waiting for the time to come. It could be 2 months to 6 months. Summertime will be easier for us to move my FIL. This is not any home - it is a specialized assisted living for mid stage or late stage AD. Hope it will work out. At first he will want to get out. We told him he will be near us but I am sure he will want to come to our home at that time. But I doubt as it takes 2 hours drive to come to our home crossing the border. He hates long drive.

Well, the caregivers want to make money. But in our case, the management is also psychotic (the home care nurse has personal problems and her husband has heart problem.) The agent is doing this for their own ego and "retirement". Well it is not fair for the clients. So we are leaving them for sure.

Thanks for your advice,

Nina

Joseph

11/27/09 3:07pm

Connie, I'm sorry to read that you are facing this all too familiar trouble again. It is also very sad to read that some relatives care more about mom's stuff than mom, apparently. Your mother is very fortunate to have you willing and able to lend a hand of help. While it may feel like demons are looting the house, it may be comforting to know that there's an angel in the mirror. I wish you the best! -- Joe

Connie Moore

11/28/09 5:41am

Thank you Joe I don't feel much like angel I feel like I may have smoke coming out ears. I don't get anyone putting a value on possesions rather then loved ones human life and happiness. My treasures are in heart and memory. They have no replacment value but are my greatest treasures. At six my mother teaching me to make biscuits. The old apron she always wore, was little and some times grown up but sick she would make my favorites chicken and dumplings and chocolate pudding with hot buttered homemade biscuits dripping with butter. Playing jacks with me small simple pleasure that are priceless. Here I am dating myself but back in the day my mother teaching us all to do the twist. OMG so many wonder memories. I really wish I could get everyone to see all this. Hugs

Joseph

11/29/09 4:25am

Connie, you have a wonderfully sensitive and sentimental soul! While others are looking to run off with material objects, you embrace those intangibles we call fond memories. The biscuits and recollections of time spent playing jacks are just some of the true treasures that you hold dear in your heart. If your mother could choose an angel to see her through this difficult time, none could take your place. You understand the difference between love and an insensitive, material obsession. You can't change the character flaws in others, but you can be true to who you are! There truly is an angel in the mirror, even if she is displeased with the shallow actions of some family members! The smoke (from your ears) will clear and you'll be seen as the caring individual that you are. The others will be seen for who they are, too. Take pride in your values, they are the only ones that really count in the long run! Your reward will come later! Best Wishes -- Joe

Connie Moore

11/29/09 7:39am

Thank You. Thank you all so very much. I am trying but I have come to realize I can only do so much. I cannot change anyones thought process but mine. I cannot get anyone to listen to reason and see that we have all suffered great loss this year and I can't get them to see we may face another. I am as loving as possible letting everyone know I am here I do love them I do love my mother and putting as many safe guards into place as possible. Unfortunately with my mother unwilling to sign anything I can do nothing leagally to help here. At this point she is still able to answer all the correct questions give all the right answers. Yes she has some dementia but I now believe it is from her age and the grief and stress she is living under. I love my mother very much and she is capable of making decision maybe not the ones I would choose but it is her choice ultimately knowing now what I know. I came here to see her to see if she was mentally capable of making her own choice and she is. I am thrilled she is still mentally functionial. Strained yes depressed yes grieving yes but my mother is a strong woman and this to I believe she will survive. Hugs

Christine Kennard, Health Guide

11/30/09 10:09am

My thoughts are with you too

Christine

Bill Hirdman

12/ 1/09 12:47pm

Sorry for this morning, duty called....

I hope your trip pans out this time! now boil up some hot lemon water and ad a touch of whiskey! Should help some?

You have too be the strongest person I have ever met. First off you put up with me! Can't speak for your family members but CHEERS to you there too. We have spoke many times now on your situation, which seems to change between Breakfast,Lunch and Dinner...Now only three states away what do you say ?? LOL

I won't get to involved with this reply as you know me quite well. YOU KNOW I AM HERE FOR YOU, OR THERE!

I just want you to know you are thought of every day!

HUGS

Connie Moore

12/ 2/09 2:07am

Thank you Bill. Trip big mistake. No this will not pan out. Leaving as soon as well enough to drive. Hugs Connie

Connie Moore

12/ 2/09 2:07am

Thank you Bill. Trip big mistake. No this will not pan out. Leaving as soon as well enough to drive. Hugs Connie

It begins Again

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