This is an amazing post, Leah. I need to get on my blog and everywhere else. I love your poem - that shows that there is nothing wrong with your creativity! And you are still our greatest teacher.
Carol
Blessings to you, Carol! You have made my day--what, with the impending blizzard, I NEEDED something to calm me down!!! Even though I get to stay home now and look at the snow fall, I still get feelings of impending doom... Guess I'm not so different from everyone else, considering the frenzied looks I saw in people in the grocery store yesterday! 
Thank you for sharing my blog! 
Leah,
I feel for you. So many people just don't realize what it is to have dementia. I am sure your husband was meant to help you or wants to make you happy. Sometimes my husband can also say things that make me feel it is funny, not that I like it all the time.
It is hard. But most people deal with dementia with common sense, not with the compassion or inner feelings.
It is harder when my father-in-law is in his own world. It is hard when he has his own fantasy. In the last 2 hospital stays, he kept saying the hospital is to kill him and refused to sleep trying to defend himself from being killed. What can we say to him? He does not believe his son either. We can only comfort him but we cannot stop the hospital treatment because he was sick.
I have learned that it is a different language to talk to peopel with dementia. It is another world of logic. The memory loss makes it very different and people don't realzie it. We cannot be mad at him because his logic is wrong, so we can only comfort him.
Leah, you are still quite good and can still deliver the speech! I think it helps if we all have sense of humor on both sides to make this a less painful experience.
Take care,
Nina
Hi, Nina. Your father-in-law is very lucky to have you two who may not be able to understand but know enough to try to comfort instead of fighting him. I'm afraid my daughter will never be so supportive...thankfully, I believe my husband will be my strength, protection, and comfort. It is important to not fight the strange beliefs of someone with dementia as, you know, it will do more harm than good. Better to play along as best you can and provide all the comfort, as you and your husband do. Keep up the good work. And may God bless you all.
Leah
Dear Leah,
Thank you for sharing yourself with us. This is a very thought-provoking post, and it's a helpful reminder to those of us living with and loving our family members who have diminished memory.
Your comments about your family members telling "remember when" stories are so like what I might say about our family gatherings. My sisters come to visit my mother, who has alzheimers, and they want to talk about old times, but they sometimes forget that my mother can't make all the associations they want to talk about, and she can only vaguely remember - if remember at all - the particular events that they are mentioning. If I am in the room, I'll try to fill in the gaps a bit, to help her along, but lately, I can tell she just goes along with it, not saying anything, because she really doesn't remember the particular incident being discussed. Because she lives with us, I can tell how she is doing a bit more than my sisters can. Sometimes I think my sisters want to pretend she is fine, as if things are just the way they used to be. I find this can frustrate my mother and make her feel left out of the conversation, while they gab on and on about their lives. So I turn the conversation around to something I know my mother can talk about, so she feels included again.
Reading your post lets me know that my deep-down hunches about these times are probably correct. But your post is a really helpful reminder about conversations with family members. It's not okay to just talk past my mother while she is in the room.
About your husband, it's hard to know what his motivations are. I imagine Joseph has hit on some very good points about your husband. He wants "his" Leah to be the fun way she was. My husband plays "jokes" on me at times. The jokes are not quite like this, but they still show me more about his needs than about my own. I've been through some major health crises in the last decade, and my experiences have made me a much more serious person. I don't joke around much. I wish I did! I miss that side of me, but the kind of spontaneous humor I used to have has sort of disappeared, as I try now to make every moment count in a way I did not, before my surgeries. Most of the time, my husband seems to admire how I've coped with my health challenges, but at other times, I can tell he misses the laughing, goofing-around woman I once was. It's not that I don't laugh any longer, but my personality has definitely changed, from these personal difficulties. My husband misses my old self, I think. And he sometimes does things that are simply exasperating and inconceivable to me. He is manifesting HIS needs and desires rather than attending to mine. I don't feel hurt about these times, the way I used to, now that I try to think about it this way.
If you have asked your husband repeatedly to stop teasing in this way, then it seems he is just manifesting his own personality - not to make fun of you or diminish your relationship but because he needs to imagine himself being a "funny" person and being the person he was when you married. It's not funny, of course, but he needs to feel he is in control still, I imagine, and this is how it comes out.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is a really helpful share post. I love it when I come to the site and find you've shared something with us. I always know it will be helpful.
Dear CJ, your comments have touched me deeply. I feel that we have made a deep connection and am so very happy that I can touch others' lives in such a positive way. I believe you are right when you say that my husband is missing the "old Leah"; I, like you, used to be so full of life and laughter. I wish I were still that way. My next blog will be an eye-opener also...I'm seeking to make an inroad into who I am, deeply inside... Hope you continue taking this journey with me!
And, may God bless you greatly for being so kind and thoughtful to your mom. Your insight into her needs is amazing. Keep up the good work...and continue to work with your siblings so that they can have a better understanding of where your mom is now in the progress of her dementia and what her needs are now. Maybe, with enough communication with your siblings, they will change their style of communication while around your mom.
One more thing, it's just possible that your mom (sometimes) may enjoy seeing the exchanges of humor and memories between her children even though she may not remember all that is being talked about...just something for you to ponder...
Thank you for commenting. I LOVE to receive them!!!
My wife of 56 years has had Alzheimer's for several years. I learned long ago not to make jokes when answering a question, even if it is the umteenth time I've answered the same question today. But I have also learned to repond with a joke if Jane, herself, makes a joke. She asked who I was (a very common question). When I said in return, "Who do you think I am?" She answered, "Uncle Louie!" I said, "If I'm Uncle Louie, then you are Aunt Matilda." She laughed a real enjoyable laugh. Then shortly said, "No. Really, who are you?" I answered her seriously and in a straight forward way also remended her I was her husband of 56 years. Life is confusing enough without jokes that play around with reality. But humor in the right place and time can be a life-saver.
Leah....I can really identify with the messing of the mind when using little jokes. I used to laugh along with the jokes but after awhile it really got to me and still does. You are going about it the right way by communicating your feelings about the matter. I am sure your supportive husband is trying his hand of what may be annoying or ok with you until he sees what is the best approach. It is so difficult for both to decide what is comfortable and what is not. I never was fortright in my communication with my spouse....I just went along with it. Thank you Leah for showing us how important communication is right off the bat. Keep communicating what you feel and I am sure all will work out even with a slip now and then.
Bless You,
Sandy
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Hi Leah, I suspect that your husband's mental playfulness isn't malicious. He probably did things like this even before dementia was an issue in your lives. He's still engaging the old Leah by doing these silly things and probably is having trouble letting go of this behavior. I'm sure that he realizes that you are serious about how these little tricks are affecting you. Your husband will gradually "get it", but it will be a hard reality for him to grasp. A part of his character needs to change and that means that it's not just you that is changed because of dementia, but him, as well. Dementia changes the way people interact in a relationship. The old ways that are familiar must give way to new ones. Change is never easy and rarely comfortable. I know that you will help your husband to understand why he must change this particular habit. He may need to hear it from others, as well. We need reinforcement of a message sometimes before it fully sinks in. I wish you both well as you face these new and subtle changes together. Best Wishes -- Joe
You're right about my husband not meaning to be malicious. It will be hard for him to make the changes needed...as it is hard for all in the same situation. Just another example of just what you said, dementia touches everyone around the sufferer. We'll keep working on it, using humor whenever possible to lighten the burden. I don't relish the loss of humor and abstract thinking; both were an integral part of my personality and life.
Thanks for your comments, Joseph. My best wishes to you!
Leah
Hi LeaH
I am so sorry it has been so long since we have talked.
I so admire you for helping with your fathers euolgy. I don't know if I told you but I was ask to do the same.
I know you know I suffered a closed head injury years ago in an auto accident and now with losing Ray it has become more of an issue. I have some pretty major medical issues going on I will tell you about later.
Keep talking and get him to understand this is hurting you I am sure he dosen't mean to hurt you but I know it does.
Hang in there okay and keep working on it. You my friend are a truly great inspiration to so very many.
Hugs
Connie
It's so good to hear from you, Connie. I'm sorry you are having major health issues at this time. I will continue putting you in my prayers. Seems like life just keeps coming at you, but I have to hand it to you--you don't give up or give in. You are a fighter! Keep fightin'. I appreciate your contacting me again. I think of you often.
Leah
You to spirit sister it never gets easier does it. some maybe but new ones crop up and we have to choose to deal with them or just give up I keep trying to deal. thanks to all my friends I have made here that have stuck with me and not given up on me even when it has gotten a little rough for me and I haven't been the friend I should have you have hung in there with me and I thank you so much for it.
Hugs
Connie
Joseph, you are so right about the change. People forget and fall into old habits. Saying, "do you remember?" is sort of a natural part of conversation. It's the people doing this that are having "memory problems!" They forget Leah has dementia.
I agree that her husband is just falling into old habits and needs to work on changing. They will work on it together. It takes time.
Carol