Living with Dementia: The Courage to Face New Beginnings
Beginnings are always a little scary, aren't they? Whether it's getting all settled in for a roller coaster ride, or preparing for a new job...or whatever...starting into the unknown can unravel one for a while!
What a busy week! I have been blessed to have my granddaughter visit me for a few days before she goes off to college for the first time. It's not anything like sending her to kindergarten...worse, in some ways! As an adult in a rather rocky world, and having been to college myself, I know that amidst the wonderment of higher education stalks difficulties and...sometimes...bad people. It's scary to know that Alex will be totally on her own-not that she isn't a very capable person-but the unknown (for me, her grandma)-is frightening. On the other hand, I am thrilled that she will be given so many opportunities to grow! Ahhhhh, letting go... I can feel her little hand in mine, letting go of the grip...
My memory continues to be rocky. I am noticing my sister and husband saying, "Remember when..." and I shake my head YES...when I am screaming inside NO...I listen for details, hoping they will invoke some particle of memory about what I said or what we did...many times this week, no memory floated to the surface...
I am working on improving my diabetic condition...I have arranged for an appointment with an endocrinologist. And, I have set up an appointment with my counselor. I need to get to the bottom of WHY I am afraid to lose weight. So, I am starting, as you can see, a campaign to improve myself. It is important that I get control of my diabetes and lose weight in order to slow down my memory loss. If I continue at my current rate, I could be in for another TIA, mini stroke, which could worsen my vascular dementia. I want at least another five years with no problems! Only I can do this; no one can do it for me. I will need help from my doctors, my counselor, my husband, my family, my friends. I will need encouragement from them all and from you, my readers.
The first thing I need to do is to start taking blood glucose readings on a regular basis. I called today for new testing strips since the ones I have are outdated by over a year. You can tell how well I have listened to my doctor who told me I have to take my readings...Now that an endocrinologist has been engaged, I have no choice but to stick to the routine of testing my blood regularly and to stay on the regime she puts me on. This may be the best decision I have made in a long time!!! I look forward to feeling better...to seeing better...to being better.
So, here's to new beginnings! (groannnnnnnn.... I'm so scared of failing again.....but determined to try.)