Memory Gaps Emerge as Dementia Worsens
Holes. They pop up everywhere. Within words I am tpying. Within thoughts I am thinking. In conversations with others. While driving.
And these are just the ones I am aware of.
It's frustrating to get into the car after not having driven for a few days. I put the car in gear and it doesn't go anywhere. Finally, I press on the gas and it moves...It takes me three starts and stops like this before I realize that you have to press on the gas after putting the car in gear. The good news is that I remember this "lesson learned" for the rest of my trip--AND have remembered it everyday since. I also learned that I must drive everyday to keep the memory going. What a bummer.
It's hard to know how much to stop doing. For instance, I am on our family reunion committee. In the past, I've done the itinerary of the meeting, led the meeting, designed the invitations, been the emcee of the event... Last year, I FORGOT to go to the meeting! This past meeting I was grossly wrong in my itinerary, though we worked it out and all went well. I am no longer the leader I once was. I have finished the invitation, even making it using Microsoft Word this year rather than using Print Shop. I had jumped in at the meeting to compose a memorial pictorial display for our cousin who passed away during this past year. I am in over my head. I have made the decision to tell another cousin that their family will have to take this venture over as they have the support group to carry it off. I don't think my sister believed me at first that I just couldn't do it.
I think my sister is blindsighted, not wanting to believe I have dementia. As a matter of fact, I have been seeing lots less of her in the recent past. I don't know, but she may be avoiding me so she doesn't have to face it.
And my poor husband...my first line of defense/or offense, depending on which way you look at it. He is having a hard time having to keep repeating explanations and details, getting tired of it. I hate to tell him that he probably hasn't seen anything yet. I have ordered Carol Bursack's book as well as two others which I hope to get him to read...he hates to read...wish they had them on CD, his way of reading books.
Holes. Holes in thought. Holes in memory. Holes in spelling. Holes in direction following. Holes in reading. Holes show up everywhere. Yuck!