Dear Leah,
I have been wondering how you are doing, and it was good to hear from you. In truth, I have been worrying a bit about you, because your discussion (in an earlier post) about your new responsibilities made it sound like an overwhelming circumstance to be in. I wish you could just go out and enjoy your own life a bit and not be distracted by these matters related to your friend's well-being!
I admire your caring heart.
Your decision to get an advocate involved sounds like a good one. I recall that your friend was not all that accepting of the situation and your decisions, at the outset, and so having a third party there, on the proverbial ground floor, working with you - that sounds like a good way to go. Because your friend was, at the outset, adversarial a bit with you, that third party can help you sort through ideas and papers and help you make decisions that otherwise you'd be saddled with making by yourself.
I hope you find time to get some respite for yourself.
I also have wondered this: at the time you signed on to help your friend, your life place might have been different from what it is now. Is this something you still want to do for your friend? You have your own life and well-being to consider, too. No one could fault you for saying "enough already" and trying to find a way to get these decisions made by someone else so that you could have your life back. You are a loving and caring friend to your friend, Leah. I just worry about you a bit, at this point.
I'm glad you stopped by to make a post, and I wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts.
Warm good wishes to you,
CJ
I so very much appreciate your concern, CJ. My world WAS much different when I agreed to take on this role originally. I am taking it day by day. Once she has gotten settled, wherever that may be, I will need to begin to step back. In the meantime, I need to look for someone willing to take over my spot. I will turn to the advocate for ideas. I cannot let my life be taken up with my friend's problems; it is not healthy for me. I am seeking balance. At this beginning point of change, though, I find I have to put in more time than I'd like take. As I said before, I am seeking balance. Thanks so much for your concern. Keep me grounded and focused, my friend.
Leah 
I so very much appreciate your concern, CJ. My world WAS much different when I agreed to take on this role originally. I am taking it day by day. Once she has gotten settled, wherever that may be, I will need to begin to step back. In the meantime, I need to look for someone willing to take over my spot. I will turn to the advocate for ideas. I cannot let my life be taken up with my friend's problems; it is not healthy for me. I am seeking balance. At this beginning point of change, though, I find I have to put in more time than I'd like take. As I said before, I am seeking balance. Thanks so much for your concern. Keep me grounded and focused, my friend.
Leah
Hi, Leah,
I was glad to hear back from you. I had been hoping things were getting sorted out for you.
My own sense is that this sounds like too much for someone who is not a direct family member. I guess I feel this way because a friend of my husband's asked that my husband be his health care advocate and power of attorney. My husband was overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility and obligation to his friend, and while it didn't turn out to have difficulties, it was still too much to ask of a friend, as it seemed to me. Especially in your case, if these documents were created at a time when everyone's life place was different, then that timeline ought to become part of the equation with regard to your friend's care. Surely your friend, were she well and capable to make decisions for herself, would see this.
It is okay if you need to find someone else to take your place. You have your own life issues -- and your own life -- to tend to. You are such a loving and caring person that I imagine it's very hard for you to have to say/acknowledge this.
Warmest of good wishes to you,
CJ
Leah,
Being your friend's guardian is such a heavy responsibility! Oh my... My neighbor was once asked to be a guardian of her friend who has dementia and is in a nursing home because the frined's family are all in UK, not in Canada.
Well she turned it down as she was in her 70s and her own family rejected the idea. It is her friend's sister's responsibility even though the sister is in UK.
I cannot say what you should do because I don't want to come between you and your friend. I think it is very nice of you to help her out like this.
However I think for everyone's sake, you may want to consider another party or her family to be such guardian or helper. I don't know if this guardianship is the legal one or just a general term. It is lots of stuff to do. You need to worry about yourself too. Dementia is a surprsing illness and you need to be prepared for yourself.
Maybe you can find another person to help out and gradually let the person take over.
Just my 2 cents,
Nina
Hi, Nina. My husband and I will more than likely be moving in six months or so, if he retires. I am now quietly looking for someone who can take over my place. I'm sure I won't find an abundance of volunteers!! lol I did take a break from my responsibilities and we went to do more renovation at our cottage this weekend. Thanks for writing. I appreciate your comments!!!
God bless you.
Leah
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With your abilities, Leah, I don't think anything is impossible. You continue to work harder than anyone could imagine possible to "deliver" for others. Carry on, my friend. You are amazing.
Carol
I just wish it was getting easier, instead of harder. Just this morning, I was organizing a notebook to keep track of all the stuff and I took out a whole pile of papers from the nursing home==and ten minutes later, when I went to put them in, they were gone. My cat continues to deny that SHE had anything to do with it and my dog was asleep in the corner...so it must have been ME! And still, two hours later, after straightening up and going to every room I might have gone in, I STILL cannot find them!!! HELPPPPP!!! I'M LOSING IT!!! lol lol But, I'll keep looking. They didn't just walk away! Thanks for your encouragement...I could even use a hug today!
Your friend,
Leah
Wish I could hug you today, Leah! And your cat and dog may be fibbing : ) Seriously, it's got to be so hard. We all have those moments when we can't figure out what we did with stuff. For you, it's a way of life. My heart really goes out to you. You handle it with such courage. There have got to be times when it just "does you in."
Blessings, my friend. And I hope you find the papers!
Carol
It does tire me out pretty quickly!! Thanks, Carol!