Faith and Hope

Hi, Janice!  I do hope you will continue to read my blog and respond whenever you can.    We have to support one another as we share our stories with the public so that they might better understand.  By the way, I went to school with a girl named Janice Armstrong in Maryland.  Is there any way it might be you?

Leah

HI LEAH,

I WENT TO SCHOOL IN MARYLAND, AS WELL.  MY MAIDEN NAME IS NEWMAN.

I WILL CONTINUE READING YOUR BLOG, YOU ARE CORRECT, WE MUST SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER. 

Thanks, Janice.  I look forward to hearing from you in the future!  I value your input.

God bless you as you travel through your struggles.  I hope I can help make your journey a little easier.

Leah

I hope to encourage you.  Ever heard of the "yes," "no," or "wait?"  Meaning that God always answers prayers.  Sometimes yes, no, or wait. 

Allow me to testify about the God I serve. 

When I was three yrs old my dad shot my mom three times . . leaving her for dead.  My brother and sisters and I were placed in a children's home. 

You can imagine the number of times i prayed asking God to fix it.  I prayed that it was all a bad dream and that I would wake up in my crib/bed and my mom would be walking in to wake me any minute.  I prayed that my mom be found alive somewhere and that the body discovered not really be her's.  I prayed that I could get adopted to the perfect family/parents.  I earned for countless staff members to adopt me and take me with them as they one by one turned in resignation notices. 

I lived in the children's home til nine days before my 16th birthday when I was released to the custody of my nowolder sister.  Angry as all get out I left her and was emanicipated at 17.  At 17 I was homeless for the 1st time (for all of just a few hrs. maybe day) and too proud to turn back.  A local youth minister heard my story and offered me a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head.  She said we would just play it by ear until I had time to think.

Throughout my childhood I was in church regularly and prayed the prayer of salvation sooo many times . . thinking just maybe i hadn't gotten it right and that is why it wasn't working. 

Two years later at the age of 19 this youth minister lady and her husband adopted me.

After all those years I actually struggled with the idea of getting adopted.  As i was praying and calling out to God one day I had this eiphany that God had been saying, "wait."  I thought back on all the people I had wanted to adopt me . . I can't say today that I would've picked any one of them over my parents now.

You know when you want to believe something but every logical thing in ur head tells you not to.  Faith is believing in it anyways.  Ask God to show you.  Be sincere and humble.  He will give you a reason to believe.  Don't give up if it doesn't all fix itself promptly.  Hold on.  It will. 

Pick up a bible and read John.  Then believe it with all you've got.

Oh, I believe all right, Pam.  That is one of my strongest areas--my belief in God.  I know that I will be okay.  No matter what.  I will be okay.  And I'll be really okay when it is my time and God finally calls me home.  Until then, I try to be as Christ-like as I can.  Being human, it is an impossible task to achieve, but it makes my road and the road of others who are traveling with me easier.  I am not quick to judge others as it is not my place.  I hold conversations with God throughout the day, usually praying for the needs of others and in thanksgiving for the many blessings I have received.  You had a rough start in life through no fault of your own, but you always carried that seed of faith and hope...and it paid off, not on your timeline, but on God's.  When the time was RIGHT, everything came together as if it was always meant to be.  I am very happy that you have been able to find the peace you have searched so hard for.  God be with you.

Leah

Hi Pam,

I am absolutely delighted to receive a response from someone almost one year later and it has got to be a Divine message, God saying through you "wait." Are things okay in my world since my last post? Well I try to be joyful using prayers, affirmations, whatever I can do. But I am still in and out of jobs (contracts) and haven't been able to find a steady job or some kind of way (such as successfully self-employed) to bring in steady income for the remaining years of my life without having to look for jobs at all. I am 50+ and all alone. So you think, God can still change things in my life and fulfill it the way I had desired?

I must tell you about my friend whom I thought had the big A. He is someone much older and someone I love with all my heart but he isn't with me yet and I don't see him either. So after a brief encounter early last November, I came home with sadness and worries that the rumor may be true? I knelt before God and prayed my heart out and did various types of cleansing meditations, etc. I wrote down to God that it can't be true and that I chose to not believe that he may be seriously ill. And I thanked God for giving me this strong desire not to believe that rumor. I just told myself that if he is not looking that great, it is just a temporary thing and all will be fine.

Within 3/4 months of that, his life started changing rapidly in the most positive way, careerwise, moneywise, healthwise, and he started sounding and looking great. He is someone of  a higher status than me. People started noticing in disbelief and talking about the changes. At the moment, he is on top of everything and more good things are coming his way. As if, in the year 2008, he has been rediscovered and recreated. I have to believe that my dedicated prayers and unconditional love have got something to do with all these and he indirectly expressed his gratitude by saying that I had saved his life, saved him from disaster, etc. When I saw him the way I found him, he had just gone through some serious personal crisis (I didn't know) and almost gave up on life. So prayers certainly worked on someone else. If the prayers for my life would only work for me without anymore wait as if has been quite long already?

I am deeply grateful to read your story and glad that things worked out in your life eventually.

God bless you, my friend.

Love,

Mary

Dear Mary, I hope you will not be offended by my answering your post.  I do hope that Pam will do the same.  I just want to tell you that you are doing nothing wrong from what I hear.  You have faith; you're just frustrated that your prayers haven't been answered yet in the way you want them to be.  Continuing praying, my dear.  Ask that God give you the discernment you need to make new choices, to set new goals.  Ask him to lead you into the direction he wants you to go... I know you have been waiting a long time and things seem pretty bleak.  But all hope is not lost as long as you are focused in the right direction.  God be with you.

Leah

Hi Leah,

Of course I didn't mind words of hope from someone else. It was very kind of you to drop in to say a few words. I am truly grateful to you and Pam both and will hold on and wait on God to make things happen before long. I pray that you feel great each day.

Love and blessings.

Mary

Thank you, Pam, for your response.  I can't imagine my life without my faith...I can imagine, though, that it would be filled with more misery than it is.  I am so very thankful that I began on my path to be closer to God well before I was struck with the vascular dementia.  I hope you find what you are seeking. 

God bless you.

Leah