Dear Leah,
This sounds like a very difficult time for you both. Each of you needs the support of the other right now, and each of you also needs to focus on your own issues. Is it possible for your child to come along to the doctor visits with each of you? It would help to have someone there for your husband and someone there for you, too - someone who understands your situations and can help each of you navigate the questions and instructions given you.
I'm sorry it feels so tense for you. I can tell when my mother is feeling frustrated with not remembering things. She is such a sweet lady, but she looks so puzzled when she feels she should be remembering something that she can't recall. It's so important to feel loved and protected by our loved ones. I hope you can reach a better passage soon, for both your sakes.
Warm good wishes to you,
CJ
Your suggestion about having someone go to the doctor with us is a good one; however, none of our children are closer than 2 1/2 hours away and busy trying to eek out a living in this dismal economy. Your description of your mother as she tries to remember things is exactly how I feel when doing the same thing. I can certainly commisurate with her!!! She is very lucky to have you so active in her life; I don't see that happening for either my husband or myself. I do try to keep a sense of humor, which doesn't always go over with my hubby. When things get to be too much, I just retreat into another part of the house and give us each some space for a little while. Then, after a short while, everything is back on a more even keel. One thing I have done--I have limited my Christmas decorating to a bare minimum--mainly a four foot artificial tree--since we are still trying to get settled into the house, put up blinds, etc. Thanks for your comments. My best wishes to you and your mom! God bless you both.
Leah,
I am so sorry you and your husband have to go through this stressful time. Thank God his daughter was able to help a lot.
I think you should hire a part-time caregiver from a home care co. The CNA (nursing aid) knows how to handle cancer as well as dementia. Someone in the house can help out and write down the pieces of info. that are missing to remind you. The person can also cook for you guys. Please consider this before both of you get sicker down the road. It is not worth it to work it out on your own given dementia.
Hugs,
Nina
Thanks, Nina, for your suggestions. I will look into a CNA, though I am pretty doubtful that our county is "advanced" enough to have many services available. It would be wonderful to have some extra support like that, though. I'll blog about whatever I find out. Nice to hear from you! God bless and Merry Christmas!
Leah, if you pay it out of pocket, there are many home care co. that offer private caregivers. I am not talking about home health care that offers nurse via medicare.
There are many people who want to get a job as caregivers in the private home.
The only issue is the quality of the home care co. and the caregivers. Sometimes the caregivers come and go as they often look out for other career options. The ones I know have the certificate to be CNA. The price may be a little higher and you need to pay tax or pay them via the agency.
There are many such caregivers if you pay it out of your own pocket. In this job market, many people want to get any job. I have a lady who is doing this on her own and she got 2 clients now.
Hugs,
Nina
Hi Leah,
Background checks and CNA certification are both essential step when looking for a caregiver. If CNA credentials aren't important, at least a background check or some very good recommendations from people you trust should be part of hiring anyone to come into your home.
If you go through an agency that you trust to do a thorough background check, that helps. If there aren't enough agencies in your area, you are more on your own. Help is important, Leah. I hope you find someone who can assist you and your husband during this tough time.
Try the Eldercare Locator.
This government resource lets you type in your Zip Code and you can see some of the services available. I think Nina's idea of hiring someone is excellent and it's well worth looking. Someone helping at home and helping you with your medical appointments would be a boost for you both.
Blessings,
Carol
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You and Bill are going through an incredibly challenging time, Leah. Your story spotlights the importance of an advocate when you see a doctor, and your advocate is coping with his own health problems.
You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on teaching,
Carol
We will get through this phase, and, hopefully, all will calm down by spring. In the meantime, we will work together to get the house in order. One thing I am totally enjoying is my gas stove. I haven't used one since I used my mother's as a young girl. Maybe by spring, I may start up my Strenghtening Your Mind classes at a local church. Right now, I'm not even close to being in the mood to do so!! Thanks for your thoughts! God bless you, Carol! Keep up the good work.
LEAH