With the end of another year approaching, it is a good time to review the past year and make some goals for the next. Long ago, I stopped making promises like "I will lose weight". Instead, I push myself to make small steps in improving my quality of life. Knowing this, I will use this blog to log in my 2011 assessment and my goals for 2012.
In spite of my dementia, I have had the best Christmas of my whole life...or, perhaps it is BECAUSE of dementia that I feel this way. Except for a few Christmases from my childhood, I really have no recollection of any others. Considering my past history, this is probably a good thing. It seems strange to me that I cannot remember; I am sure it has not always been this way...but again, how would I know?
There are other areas where my memory, rather the lack of it, is affecting my life. I can no longer keep a string of numbers, like a new phone number, in my head. I do have three phone numbers I can remember: my home phone and the phone numbers of one brother and my sister. My siblings' phone numbers have remained the same for many years. I am still able to do some math in my head...especially if I can round off the numbers to make the computation. Thank goodness, I had drilled that into the heads of my students for twenty or more years...
I know I am beginning to be more forgetful; I can often see it in the faces of those around me. My husband readily tells me what it is that I need to remember. Thank goodness he is now retired; he reminds me I need to EAT. It seems strange that I could forget to eat, as much as I LOVE food... My stepdaughter will look at me and patiently wait for me to grasp some memory as it faintly flows in (and almost out of ) my conscious memory. Sometimes, she will smile and give me a small hint. When I finally can remember whatever it is, she smiles a BIG smile and says, "I KNEW you had it in there somewhere!"
This year has been full of packing, moving, unpacking, packing, moving, and unpacking. We are now in our final-we believe-home. The next time either of us moves, someone will be moving us out either to our grave or a nursing home. This is it! It seems strange to think that I have gotten old enough to be thinking like this. How did I get to be 63? That's a lot of years NOT to remember! Heck, most of the time, I can't remember how old I am!
I have had to find new doctors. All the changes this year have been stressful. All the "business" I have had to do to make these changes have involved numerous phone calls, etc. I have to list what it is I need to do each day. I usually add phone numbers and the reason for the call so I do not get confused while talking on the phone. I find that, even with all this prep work, that I ramble on the phone when talking with new people.
My goals for 2012?
• I want to drive more by myself, even if it is just to the store ten minutes away. Since my husband retired, he almost always drives me where ever I need to go.