Dear Leah
Carla said it very well...Your loved ones need to understand and appreciate how hard it is for you to keep on an even keel when you have dementia. So what if you get impatient? Yes, at times, you will be short with others--that is not the end of the world.
Goodness, I have a sibling who is OFTEN impatient and short with me. I don't know--maybe she is having a bad day or not feeling good about herself--or perhaps she is simply out of sorts. As difficult as it can be--I try to tell myself if I want to maintain a relationship with her--I must learn to deal with it and remember it has nothing to do with me. Is it easy? Absolutely NOT.
The point is--interpersonal relationships can be very hard to keep on an even keel even when you do NOT have dementia.
So--when your loved one has Dementia or Alzheimer's....we need to understand...and somehow develop thick skin....after all it NOT about us...in my humble opinion we are there to provide support and unconditional love. [smile]
Love ya Cuz
hello Leah, Your thoughts are so appreciated, and you put your feelings into words so well. I'm sure that if you approached family members and friends stating that you wanted them to understand what you are feeling, and proceeded to relate what you conveyed on this site, they would welcome your shedding light on some of the feelings that may have been confusing to them. It is so wonderful that you are trying to be considerate of what they may be feeling, you sound like a loving caring person. Your family must love you very much, and they would want to be aware also of what going on inside your head also as you try to understand changes in your life.
I'm caregiver for my 97 year old mother-in-law, and she's a very difficult woman, all of her life I understand. I've put my heart into caring for her, but she isn't able to respond in a like manner. I understand that the changes in her life after her stroke are difficult, ie my husband and I moving in with her to take care of her, and she is unable to do things for herself that she always could do before. How frustrating that must be. I would be angry, too, if I were in the same shoes. God bless you for being such a kind person, and I wish you the very best.
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I think what you are feeling is very normal and you need to let you family and friends know what you are feeling before this dementia takes over your whole mind and you can't tell them at all. I think what you are feeling is that you can't keep up with the conversation because it is too much for your brain to let it all in. Think of this as a child's brain they can not take in a lot of information at one time before they get frustrated and impatient with who every is talking to them. Your mind and body are changing everyday and with this disease. There is no single Alzheimer's personality, just as there is no single human personality. All patients must be treated as the individuals they continue to be, even after their social self has vanished. Have them read some information on the web about Alzheimer because you not find a lot on Dementia because I have already done a lot of searching on the web for it when my father-in-law was first diagnosed. Your feelings will change as you move from one stage to another. Here is something that I hope will help you and your family and friends. My father-in-law is in the finally stage of dementia. A good web sight is WebMD. I hope this is all helpful or if I am being barking up the wrong tree or just don't want my imput please feel free to tell me. I am not a doctor I am just a
daughter-in-law who has been there through Bill's who stage.
The following recommendations for caregivers may help soothe patients and avoid agitation:
Dear Carla,
Your sugggestions are fantastic. I know they will help all who read this blog. It is obvious that you are a wonderful caregiver. You are not barking up the wrong tree. I have visited WebMD. It is an excellent site. Your observation about every sufferer being different is right on! And the suggestion you made about keeping sentences short was one that I think applies to my stage even now. My mind just goes wild if I have to listen to someone for a long time--one exception, I can listen to a good, well delivered sermon in church with little problem! Fathom that!!! Thanks so much for your input. I look forward to reading more of your insight in the future.
Leah
Thank you, Carla. The suggestions you make are great ones. I am sorry about your father-in-law. I know it must be very hard to see him as he gets worse.
My blog is written to let caregivers know what someone experiencing dementia is thinking and feeling. Many with dementia are not able or willing to share such thoughts with their loved ones. I may be able to give them a little window into our world.
Thank you for your comments.
Leah