With the new year, I have begun to make changes in my life. I decided to have my first dinner party in years. Of course, I had to do things a lot differently than I did in the past. I used to throw family sized dinner parties-twenty people sometimes. I have had to pare down my list since my capabi...
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Untitled Comment
Sue
Monday, February 04, 2008 at 10:26 PMre: Untitled Comment
Leah
Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 03:49 AMHi, Sue. Isn't it amazing that it has taken me fifty-nine years and dementia to make me realize that entertaining isn't about the quantity of food you serve but about the quality of time you are spending with friends or family? Wow...I hope other people out there learn this lesson and stress less about the preparation for the gathering. I hope that my blog will encourage others to put aside past fears about having something like a dinner party...and just do it! As I have heard said, "Life is for living". We need to live life for as long as there is life to live. We need to take chances. We need to step out of our comfort zone from time to time, challenge ourselves. (I'll step down from my soapbox now.)
I am having another dinner party in a couple of weeks. Actually, it will be a "pre-Musical" dinner. Afterwards, we are going to see Westside Story at a local playhouse. This dinner party will be different, as each couple is bringing a part of the dinner. I am really looking forward to the evening.
Thanks for your response. Your support is invaluable to me.
Leah
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My Cup Is Half Full - But Who Cares?!
Coni Townshend Halko
Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 06:32 AMDear One: You are absolutely right--who cares about what you don't have--the important thing is to focus on what you do have!
You go girl! How terrific to have a dinner party for 4...why not have them as often as you can...for as long as you can??? Enjoy the pleasure of entertaining...why? You are so good at it!!!
Love you!!!
Cuz Connie
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Understanding & Denial
Dana
Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 08:00 PMMy mother was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago and I've sat idly by not really noticing the changes and struggles she is experiencing. It isn't that I don't care, but living in a different state and being involved in my own life... I just didn't notice. I'd hate to think I've been in denial, but maybe I have. It is difficult to think that your parent isn't invincible. It has only been since reading your blog that I've started to understand the daily challenges she faces and I recognize that I could be more supportive. I have a question for you... how can family be more helpful?
replyre: Understanding & Denial
Leah
Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 08:07 AMYour mother needs your support. You can show this by checking with her frequently, encouraging her to talk about what is happening, praising her for what she accomplishes, and just by listening when she needs to complain. You will notice changes in her personality. It is not her. It is not you. It is the disease. With luck, her disease will not progress very quickly so she will have many years of independence and normal living ahead of her. With you being out of state, it is important, too, that you get together with her from time to time. You need to build memories, more for yourself than for her. Hope I have helped. Thanks for commenting.
Leah
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Life is for Sharing
Bill
Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 09:13 AMLeah,
I think it's quite wonderful that you are living your life still wanting to interact and share new memories and with people despite your dementia!
My grandmother reacted entirely different to her dementia. She became withdrawn and missed a lot of family gatherings. She would usually commit to attending obligations (In my opinion to appease my grandfather) and then cancel the day of the event. This was true with her oldest brother and sisters funerals, my wedding, and my sisters college graduation. Later on we would offer to take her out places and she would say that she was not feeling well and it was left at that.
You on the other hand have allowed yourself to remain open to family, friends and others who are coming to terms with dementia. It appears you subscribe to the metaphor..."When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!". Sharing experiences and emotions is so important in life. I'm trying to do this more and more. It is not always easy but it is liberating nonetheless when I'm able to express my affections and feelings for the people that really matter in my life. I wish my grandmother was able to combat the effects of dementia in the way you have. Stay strong. I hope you are able to continue to share your time, heart and experiences with the people you care about - everyone will benefit. Your glass really isn't half empty!!
replyre: Life is for Sharing
Leah
Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 11:09 AMOh, Bill, I can so identify with your grandmother. I am not going to be a "Pollyanna" and tell you that living the way I do is easy. No...I could easily get into the behaviors shown by your grandmother. I could so easily become a recluse. I have to fight it every moment, everyday. Medications help me, I think, to overcome the desire to just exist. Possibly your grandmother did not have the benefit of the range of medications available today. I'm sorry you did not get to have more positive experiences with her. It sounds like she was well loved in spite of herself and her disease.
Thank you for your kindness and hope you continue to read my blogs. I appreciate your comments.
Leah
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Half full?
Karen Taylor
Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 05:06 PMLeah dear,
I'm so glad that I am one of the lucky ones who shares your life. I have learned so much from you. I've learned to try to take life one day at a time, and enjoy it. I've learned to enjoy my family, and my guests when I have them. I've learned that I don't always have to be doing something productive, that it is okay to do things just for me, whether that is watching a movie on TV, having a pedicure, or just having dinner with a girlfriend. And from your wisdom, I have gained insight into how to interact better with my mother, who does have dementia. I can't wait to find out what I will learn from you next! I wished we lived closer. Love you.
replyre: Half full?
Leah
Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 05:13 PMI wish we lived closer to one another also, Karen. I can't imagine what kinds of trouble we could get ourselves into. It makes me feel real good to know that you are taking life a little easier. Enjoy each day, my dear. There will never be another just like it!
Love, Leah
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1/2 full or 1/2 empty - it's the wrong way measure life
Richard Taylor
Saturday, February 09, 2008 at 09:51 AMEvery day people with dementia wake up with a full cup. We are whole and complete human beings! We should not see ourselves or let others see us a failing, or fading away. We are who we are and that is enough to be treated and to consider ourselves as whole.
When we are in the final stages of the disease, everyday we wake up a whole and complete human being. We may not walk or talk, but we are just as human, just as capable of being. It is others who treate and view us as anything less. It is so sad to me when I hear other fellow travelers refer to themselves as anything less than complete. We are different from who we were, but we shouln't let others who are different from us refer to us as "an empty shell" as some one who in the midst of a long good bye.
Every morning we wake up and say hello, while others are saying good bye. That's wrong!
Richard
replyre: 1/2 full or 1/2 empty - it's the wrong way measure life
Leah
Monday, February 11, 2008 at 11:00 AMThank you for challenging my way of looking at life. It sounds like you may be traveling the same journey, though not necessarily the same path, as I. We are whole, complete human beings. I still grieve for the way I was. There was a time that I could choreograph a classroom with expertise and ease. Teaching was like being a conductor of education to my band of students. I relished in it. That I miss. That ability. The ability to control many things at a time... Maybe it's the "control" issue I miss the most. Guess I'll have to think about that one... Your comment has given me food for thought. Thank you!
Leah
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Leah - this is a great thing. You are ridding yourself of the impossibilities to make room for the possibilities. I try to do that everyday - I'm still working on it.
It sounds like the dinner party was a really wonderful time. Its amazing how when we make simple food and have friends or family to share with it - its all good. Your efforts were terrific.
I hope you have another one soon - well, not too soon right!!
All the best, sue
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