Dementia Drags Dread Into the Forefront
I had a wonderful birthday. And now, life is back to normal. This blog will be unusually short as it deals with something I have put off talking about-a feeling of fear which permeates the deepest recesses of my being whenever I have to deal with learning something new, am doing research, or faced with paper/pencil activities.
Recently, I have been trying to improve my memory through strengthening my senses. The book entitled Strengthen Your Mind by Kristin Einberger has sparked an increased interest in the role our senses play in improving memory. It is a fascinating subject. Not only have I been using her book but I have started to do some research of my own and am planning plan a series of lessons to be taught at senior centers.
Even though I find this subject to be very interesting, I am having to literally FORCE myself to work with it. Each time I sit down to read or research or write plans, I have to talk to myself, reassure myself that I CAN do it. I do find myself getting fully involved in the the activitiy once I can get started. The problem I have been incurring, but not talking about until now, is that whenever I see pencil and paper activities or indepth reading opportunities, my immediate gut reaction is that of dread and fear. It is NOT that I am not looking forward to the activity. I am not sure why I react in such dreadful fear, except that maybe I am afraid I might fail, or not be able to remember, or not be able to finish what I have started. It's almost like I'm afraid that IT (dementia) might win out... Then, too, it could be that it takes so much concentration, more than I've ever had to do before, that it wipes me out physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I wonder how many others with dementia may also experience this feeling of dread or fear at working with reading or filling out forms or learning new information. If anyone reading this has any experience either personally or when working with loved ones, please let me know.
In the meantime, I will continue to force myself to research, read, and write...and, as always, I look forward to receiving any input from you, my readers.