Leah you really did touch me. I am not only living with the responsibility of caring for my husband with alzheimer's but a fear that I don't and haven't been able to share with very many people before. 18 years ago I was in a roll over car accident and suffered a closed head injury. They didn't catch it for two weeks but I had a bad brain bleed, I didn't have surgery but I lost my memory for two years. I was a cosmetologist and owned a beauty salon in copperas cove, TX. My family sold the salon because I couldn't remember how to do hair. I couldn't balance a check book or cook, all the day to day things I had done for years I could not do. I couldn't remember people other then immediate family, it took two years to reteach my brain simple things. I still have some memory loss, the thing that scares me is I know that puts me right up there to develop Alzheimers, watching what the intellegent man I married goes through frightens me. I keep thinking what happens if I get this. the stress of being his primary care giver stress me out so much I have started to live by notes to make sure I remember to do everything. It was getting so bad that I had my doctor test me for Alzheimers, I passed the tests and he said i don't have it. Apparently it's just when I get in very stressful situations that I have more difficulties. When I joined this site it was the best decision have made in a very long time, I no longer feel isolated, you sharing your story helped personally because I know that should I develop it I can get the help I need and with proper medication still be able to live and function. You do and you have given me and many others that I am sure share similiar fears hope. Thank you. Everyone one I have meet here has really help me in so many ways. Again thank you. I too can hardly wait to get up and open my computer to see whats on it new it is the start for me of each day. Connie

Thank you so much Leah, being able to talk to all the wonderful people I have met on this sight and talked to has taught me so much and helped me more then anyone will ever know. I was reaching a point of total desperation in my life before I joined this site. I thought I was strong and could handle just about anything but this disease was killing all the life I had in me. I tried living in denial and pretended this wasn't happening to him to us until I was forced to face it. I pushed everything and everyone away for so long so I could contine to pretend this wasn't happening until I almost waited to late. I have learned to accept what has and is happening and I am now facing everything head on and trying to play catch up. My husband is the love of my life and this is so very hard but I am now dealing with it and I am working toward making the last of our time together the best. I am also taking better care of myself no more denial and working toward becoming stronger and a better woman. Hearing story's like your's and other's help me see it could be so much harder. My mother always told me look around you can always see someone that has it much worse. I have and I realize instead of living with tunnel vision I can look forward and see much more clearly what I need to do to survive this horrid disease for my self and my husband. He has been so sick for so many years and constantly worried how I would survive without him. I have always depended so much on him and thought if he dies I want to go with him but I now know I will survive for me and for him and continue on. One of the hardest parts of this disease is he leaves more each day, I lose him more each day, I don't want him to suffer and hang on just because he fears what my life will be like without him. I am told I have to let him know it's Ok to go that I will live on but with this disease it's difficult to get through to him. I am trying to accomplish this by letting him see that I am a stronger woman and I will be Ok. that's the only way I know how to do this. I am very blessed to have a wonderful granddaughter who is married to a wonderful man and has given me a great grand son. I don't know what I would do without her, even in her busy life she is always here for me when I need her and so is her husband. Once a week her husband is going to stay here and she and I are going to go to the movies and dinner. I would love the world to know about this child, young woman she has over come so much and has such a full life but she always makes time for her poppy and me. She is 19, graduated high school at sixteen and started college, worked two full time jobs to start college, after she got pregnant she continued on with school and then had her baby. She is a wonderful mother and wife. She has put college on hold until her son is older and so she can help me. I have two children and seven grandchildren but she is the one thats always been there when her Poppy and I have needed someone. It's amazing that out of all the family this is the only one that no matter what is always there. It bothers me that she is having to go through this with me. Her poppyand I have always been very close to her I wish she didn't have to see him going through this, I only want her to remember him like he was but there is no one else willing to help either of us. Mackenzie is the one that talked me into checking out this sight and she is the one that helps me know I will continue on her strength makes me want to be stronger and I will survive. I will see her graduate college as a nurse, I will help her return to school and see her accomplish her dreams. I want her to have all her dreams come true and be around to see it. Thank you again Leah, You do and you have inspired me. Connie

Leah my husband had a really bad day yesterday, He is moving into a deeper stage of Alzheimer's it took me four hours to get him to eat half a sandwich and only got out of bed twice. He is in a lot of pain but refuses to go to the hospital, the last time he went the doctor he saw tried to take the four vicodin he takes away. This is the VA hospital and new doctor. Carol has suggested Hospice but I am not sure how to get him in the program. I don't think the VA will approve it. I need advise on what to do. Worried in Texas Connie

Leah we live in Temple Texas. It in Bell County. Yesterday was better the pain wasn't as bad but he is isolating more each day. I don't know if it is more depression and lack of interest. I am stil fighting the Broncitis and flu. I try to stay where I can help him but where he dosen't catch this. I am going back to the doctor because the antibotic shot he gave me and medication isn't getting rid of this. I am very blessed to have my granddaughter to help me. You have a great day and may God bless and keep you. Connie