It’s a Puzzlement!

Oh my dear Leah.

If you are losing it so am I. Ray did none of these things but I have. When I kept worrying that I had developed alzheimers after Ray did my mind started playing tricks on me. I finally went to the doctor and told him what was happening after the second visit and rounds of test to prove I did not have this he told me Connie I know you and the stress you are under. He said the more you think you are having this problem this worse this will get. You know I have had a closed head injury and have problems with my memory from it. Your medication is wrong. You are having a side affect from something. Even the temperature could be from it. Please go back to the doctor and tell them. If you keep worrying without knowing for sure it will just get worse. I beg you go to the doctor and tell them everything. They can run blood test and see what is causing this. My thyroid messed up and once they gave me to much medication the other time it was not enough. You are okay but something is messing with your system and it sounds like medication. You know I was with Ray 24/7 before he passed and never did he do what you described. He saw things that weren't there and had horrible hallicunations but hey found out he was allergic to Haldol and it caused that. Please Please go to the doctor.

Your friend always. Connie

Leah, my friend. I have never experienced anything like you described. At times I have not been able to distinguish the difference between and dream or reality. I would get so confused......I did not know if it was a dream or if it really happened. I agree with Connie about seeing your doctor and am glad you are doing just that. Please keep us informed about your situation. I will be thinking of you.

Friends,

Sandy

Hi Leah,

My dad's dementia (caused by surgery), had him doing very much of what you are talking about. You are extremely bright and imaginative. My dad was as well. I do think imagination, plus your ability to "see puzzles" - I'll be you have always seen the man in the moon, right? I always have. I thought everyone did. Now, I find out that isn't true.

Anyway, this may push you more into this imaginative realm. However, you should see your doctor in case of mini-strokes or worsening of your dementia. Your doctor needs to know of changes, and if this was enough to upset you, then you need to clue him or her (or them) in about this episode. Be safe, not sorry.

As always, your posts are so brave and inspiring.

Take care,

Carol

Could this be a form of agnosia?  Sometimes my wife looks at something and doesn't see it for what it is.  A toothbrush may not look like a toothbrish until I point it out to her and maybe put toothpaste on it.  Just a thought.

Aunt Leah-

What you're describing is extremely close to a drug experience I had in college.  I'd done the usual dose of psylocibin ("magic mushrooms") but instead of the pretty lights that usually happen when I did that, I got a bad trip -- my only bad trip on that particular drug, but it taught me how to deal with bad trips, so it sticks out as one of my most memorable experiences.

What happened was this.  I was in my dorm room laughing and joking with my friends one moment, and the next I was...alone.  Perfectly, and completely alone in a totally alien world where everything -- EVERYTHING! -- was unknown to me.  I didn't know how to sit in a chair....I didn't know what a soda can was for....I didn't understand at all what the moving objects were around me, the ones with the ball balanced on top of the stick with the other sticks dangling from the side that kept pushing me around (gently...my friends were playing the "babysitter" role, there to keep me safe).

It took me awhile to realize that what was missing were -words-...that I had somehow lost all my words.  Without names for the things around me, I could not recover the memory of what they were.  I spent the next six hours "naming" everything around me -- every detail of the room, every person who walked in or out, EVERYTHING.

Of course, I was under the influence of a powerful hallucinogen, so as I named each thing, memory of what it was and how it worked popped back into my head as if it never been gone.  Psylocibin is like that...it is one of a set of drugs that temporarily reprograms the brain in quite sophisticated ways (permanent damage, when it occurs, is done by the person themselves, not the drug...in such states, the mind can become hopelessly lost and confused and lead to all sorts of mistaken conclusions that can alter the personality). The lesson I learned from that (aside from: don't do that drug again!) was that words are inextricably linked to the way we understand the world -- something I would later learn in psych class as the Whorf Hypothesis.

I don't know how much you can take away from my experience and apply to yours...remember that mine was chemically-induced.  Yours might be too...after all, there has to be something in the brain for the psylocibin molecules to operate upon to cause that effect in the first place.  But the cause and process is probably very different.   This is scary stuff!  It sounds to me like the linkage between your memory recall and that portion of your brain responsible for maintaining a consistent worldview broke down temporarily -- if it breaks down permanently, you'd be in trouble because it would mean that your brain can't recall the data that it needs to maintain your worldview when you sense the outside world.  I'd have this looked into if I were you!  At the very least, validate that my experiences are or are not relevant to your situation (ie, is it possible for you to experience effects similar to what some hallucinogens can produce?)

Take care, Aunt Leah.

     -Gregg