Written by
Leah,
I reached a diagnosis mid-way of reading this post:
Depression!
I continued reading, and my knee-jerk diagnosis remained the same.
You see, I, too, frequently suffer from depression. I surely recognize your symptoms. I realize that there could be an entirely different reason for your symptoms, and your vascular dementia doctor will surely be able to sort through them for a definite diagnosis.
You are probably just now allowing realities to take over, and that is easily understood. You have done so remarkably well that you have been a beacon for me. Please don't let that light go out. I know you just need to have your inspiration recharged.
Many major changes have affected our expectations for our lives, though yours may not be the same as mine. You surely had imagined what your life would be in your dreams for your future, before your dementia manifested. And, you have had serious complications foisted upon you. You fought the good fight - AND YOU HAVE! I just know you will come out of this hiccup and will be a champion again.
I need for you to help me continue my disturbed later-year-dreams of finally being able to cultivate my creative possibilities to paint, and write , and travel to Europe, and finish my genealogy work, now in its 39th year - all have been simmering on a crowded back-burner while raising my family - waiting for the freedom of pursuit in my returement years. So many obstacles have been placed in my travel, and my loved ones have been so entirely insensitive to my desperate longings, that I find myself down in the serious doldrums most of the time, now. My saving grace is my God. I always center myself again, and realize that my ways may not be His ways, and I will someday know that what He has in store for me will outshine anything I can imagine. This is true for you, too, Leah! Keep us posted.
Love,
Sojourner
We are all sojourners. This "hiccup", I feel, will pass. I'm waiting for antibiotics to work. I've been running a fever for a few days and that seems to always just knock the wind out of me. I believe depression does account for some of my problem, and I believe that this is normal under the circumstances. I take Cymbalta, which helps.
Don't give up on your dreams. Your path may be convoluted and difficult, but it's the journey that counts. Who knows how much you may accomplish?
I was once worried that I wouldn't be ready when the time came for my death, that I still had so much to give and to do, and my minister counseled me. He said,
"Leah, when it is your time, you will have done all you needed to do." Wow. What comfort.
God bless you.
Leah....sorry to hear you are in pain, emotional and physical. Being in pain and ill health seems to bring me down too and you sure have had your share. Yes, pamper yourself and have a great time on that cruise. I will be thinking of you and in no time you will be on the road to enjoying doing the many activities you like to do. A gradual improvement is good....you can then enjoy each thing one at a time. Looking forward hearing about the positive affects of your pampering.
((((HUGS))))
Sandy
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Hi Leah! It is sad to read about the once pleasurable things in your life, now bringing little enjoyment to you. I was immediately struck by how many health issues that you have identified as possible reasons for losing interest in these once joyful things. Facing your own doctor-quantified mortality certainly has to affect your morale. The physical things can also produce a lethargic response to daily life. The combination of these in whole or in part, absolutely explains the reasons that you are seeking.
The good news in your post, is your self-sense of awareness. You are questioning these changes and seeking to understand the causes. Perhaps after some of these physical issues are resolved, you will gravitate back to your familiar interests. Dementia will affect you at some point, but perhaps it's something else, this time. I hope that you discover that your lack of interest in these things is only temporary.
Thank you for sharing your ongoing story. It's helpful to understand what feelings a person with dementia has and how they choose to deal with them. Best Wishes,--Joe
Yes, Joseph, I too think that my interests may return once I am in better physical health. I'll keep you in touch with how it is going. Many thanks for your comments. They are sincerely welcomed!