Suspicious

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Mon, January 07, 2008

My mom is 81. She has always been very active and physically healthy, although she did have a stroke 6 years ago which she seems to have recovered from fully - physically any way. Over the last few years, she has become progressively more "suspicious" - adding screening, glass blocks, etc around her balcony. Over the last 12 - 18 months, she has changed her locks 3 or 4 times. Then she started to say things were being stolen from her - small things, utensils out of the kitchen, table top pictures frames, and she says people are changing things - changed her towel rack in her bathroom, her bath mats, changed her shortening from "tenderflake" to "that no name brand". She has changed her mind numerous times as to who she thinks it is. She recently went to the police with these accusations and they ultimately called me (I am the only remaining family member) to see what I thought of their validity. My mom lives about 5 hours drive away. If I question or doubt her accusations, she becomes very angry and says "you think I don't know my own bath mats?!" It is becoming very difficult to deal with. She has also accused my husband of having an affair which has caused extreme hard feelings. I have contacted her doctor and he is conducting some tests. Don't know what to expect from here - even if she is diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers - and is put on some medication, is there ever a point where she will become logical again or is this forever now??

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Sue

1/ 8/08 4:06pm

Thanks so much for your post.

I am one of the moderators for the site and although I am not a trained medical professional I will say this - wait until you have discussed more with your mom's doctor.

It may seem the writing is on the wall, but one never knows until the facts are there. In the meantime, you should read more about this disease and maybe visit some of the website for groups that can support you and your mom if this in fact is Alzheimer's.

Please post back and let us know what is happening.

All the best, Sue (aka SMM)

AFA Social Services Team

1/10/08 1:34pm

Dear Struggling,

You have taken an important step toward helping your mother by recognizing that you need some outside professional help. You mentioned that your mother has become increasingly suspicious. Typically, suspicions expressed by persons with dementia are likely to be unfounded. These false beliefs are called delusions. They have no basis and do not develop from facts. They are not rational, but your mother really believes that they are true.

I suggest you neither agree nor disagree with her new beliefs. Instead, respond to her feelings. Not all delusions are unpleasant, so you only need to respond when she is upset. Respond by remaining calm, reassuring her that you will always be there for her, and then attempting to distract her onto a more pleasant or less upsetting topic. Memory cues and repeated tries can be helpful in this process.

Suspiciousness and delusions can indicate mood disorders or they can be symptoms of Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia or other dementia conditions. We encourage you to speak to her primary care physician or to a geriatrician or geropsychiatrist about this problem. Perhaps you can gain your mother's trust and accompany her to the visit. The doctor may prescribe something to help her.

You asked about prognosis, and unfortunately, until you know what your mother's diagnosis is, there is no way to know how and if she will improve. Our best advice is to be patient and be there for her as much as possible.

Struggling

1/10/08 9:31pm

Thank you for your response. I am waiting to hear back from her doctor so I can discuss what sorts of testing he would like to do to determine her "condition". My mom has been through alot, lost her husband (my dad) 25 years ago when he was 58 (complications from alcoholism), lost one daughter 2o years ago to suicide, another one this past April to Cancer. I am her only family left. Unfortunately over the years, her behavior has been extreme at times, alienating my husband. Of course the final straw last December (2006) when she accused him a being a "cheat". We have two grown sons, so between the three of us, we try and be there for her but it is getting more and more difficult with her behavior. I do just overlook her accusations now because she gets very upset if I doubt or question her accusations. Recently the police from her town called me because she had gone in to report some of the "thefts" from her place. She had given them my name as her family, and the only other person having a key, and they called just to see how justifiable I thought her accusations were as they found them strange as well. One day at a time I guess, as my mom is extremely independant and would absolutely balk an any sort of intervention. Will keep you posted as things evolve.

Suspicious

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