Hi,
I'm new and hope this post won't upset anyone.
My mother has always been a "me first" kind of person. She loves to be the center of attention, and has always hated it if someone received some unexpected money or bought something new.
Anytime one of her children disagreed with her (there are 3 of us) she would always say, "Never mind, I don't have long to live anyway". She's 86 and has been dying for 20 years........sorry for the comment.
Now she has macular degeneration and a colostomy (which she's had for 17 years but has never accepted it, and tried to go forward), and arthritis.
Now she's in one of the stages of alzheimers where her short term memory is terrible, and she sees faces when she wakes up in the mornings. She's always calling the bank to see how much she has in (she's on Social Security) and if it's the end of the month and there's a small sum in, she calls me and tries to make me agree with her that my sister, who lives with her, is stealing her money. Maybe I should, but I just can't agree because then when my sister gets home from work, my mother makes her life a living hell. She's accused a caregiver of stealing a cross she had and said the girl had the nerve to have it on when she came one day. She can't see the television but she can see a small cross the girl had on?!!
Please understand I love my mother. We did have a few happy times when I was younger, but with everything that has gone on in the last 20 or so years, I just don't feel it in my heart. I always kiss her and tell her I love her whenever I leave, and bring her little surprises. However, sometimes when we're talking she really puts me on a guilt trip, and she does the same with my siblings. Of course, she's always done that.
I feel so guilty for having these feelings but I don't think I can change my mind. I feel so sorry she has these things now but sometimes when she rages I'd like to leave and never go back.
