luv_my_mom

4/ 3/08 1:01am

Dear luv my mom,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going thru. In deed it is difficult, especially when your family members are probably not dealing with it like they should. Are they in denial it is happening? Is your Mom on the newest meds to help slow the process? Are you able to go to speak to her Dr ? What is going on with your Mom as far as the Alz. goes? Is she able to still talk and speak to you? Each person is different, but eventually the person you knew as your Mom will become someone different, sadly. Please let me know when you get a chance to write again, I will try and reply when I can with our experiences, as we have been dealing with this since 1999, and have a small child whom had to deal with this terrible disease as well. She is now 11, for a couple years we had to shelter her and my husband { it is his Mom} and I would visit with her and have our daughter go to my brother's house as one time she ran ahead to see Grandma and she yelled at her and asked her who she was, and for her to "get out" she was only 8 at the time but it was devastating for her as well as us...

I hope you will be able to depend on your family as you all need to be there for each other, in the meantime you can write to me anytime, ok

God Bless you!

Sincerely,

Karen Vanecek

Sue

4/ 3/08 12:31pm

Thanks so much for your post and welcome to our community.

As you can see by the reply from Karen, there are caregivers here who would gladly listen to your stories and share you hurt and struggle as you go through your loved one's disease. You do not need to go through this alone!

You may be interested in reading some of the material we have in our Caregiver's Center. Everything from health tips for you, advice for going to the doctor with your loved one, and even when it might be time for you to take a break and vacation!

You should also read from Our Expert and Alzheimer's Foundation of America Founder Eric Hall on "What About the Caregivers?".

Hope this helps you and your family. All the best, sue (moderator)

AFA Social Services Team

4/ 4/08 10:23am

Dear luv_my_mom,

Learning that your loved one has Alzheimer's disease can bring many emotions to the surface such as heartbreak, denial, confusion, and fear, just to name a few. While you are doing your best to face these emotions, it appears as though your family might be running away from them, which is why they haven't offered you the support you need. Caregivers find that as their loved one progresses with the illness, they have an increased need for support and encouragement due to the physically and emotionally challenging work that Alzheimer's disease demands. Although there is so much knowledge to gain about this illness, my first suggestion to you would be to reach out for support. There is no question that you are not alone in this battle. However, it's important for you to FEEL that rather than just hear it. You need to be amongst other people who are experiencing the same thing, who can hold your hand during this difficult time, and lead you down the long road ahead. I would advise you to join a support group in your area, particularly one which focuses on adult children. If you have any trouble finding one, I encourage you to call the Alzheimer's Foundation of America at (866) 232-8484. Please also feel free to utilize this service for education, referrals, or counseling needs. We are here for you and will do whatever it takes to help make this as smooth of a transition as possible.

Kristi Marie Gott

4/ 5/08 10:29pm

Dear Alzheimer's caregiver,

It must be very difficult to be only 22 years old and be an Alzheimer's caregiver for your mom. Just when you are at the age of creating your adult life, you have an additional challenge at the same time. But there are many experts at this site, and others, who can help. A support group will also have educational information for dealing with it, and friends with whom you can share.

Having information to help understand how people with Alzheimer's behave, and what causes this behavior, can help you. A person with Alzheimer's may say or do things that are out of character, as a result of having Alzheimer's.

Best wishes, and take care,

Kristi Marie Gott

NC

4/13/08 5:23pm

I am sorry to know that your Mom has Alzheimer's. Is it early onset Alzheimer's? Maybe you can find out if she can go to assisted live-in? Or get a professional caregiver?

You seem to have lots of things to do given your young age and it is not possible for you to take care of her day in and day out. This is true for the patients who have early onset Alzheimer's because most of the relatives are still working and busy. No one is retired to take care of the patient. Maybe you can ask for Alzheimer's association for help - they have the local numbers for you to call for support.

It will get harder because she will get sicker and you will need to find someone to take care of her when you work.

Please take care of yourself.

Nina

Karen E Wheeler

4/21/08 2:39pm

Dear Luv my mom,

As others have written, I'm also sorry to hear your mom has Alzheimer's. Although I'm older, I understand the range of emotions you are experiencing caring for your mom with this disease. In 2003, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I wish I could tell you this journey is going to get easier, but it's not. It is overwhelming, but there are people here for you to reach out to, and organizations like the Alzhiemer's Association. There are also caregiver support groups. Where you can connect with and be in touch with others who've been through what you're going through now and will face later on as the disease progresses. During difficult times like this, it's hard to believe your family is not as supportive as you would like for them to be. A hard lesson I learned , when my own family disappointed me. I felt angry and abandoned. However, with the love and support of my friends, support from other caregivers, posts like this, and most importantly my relationship with God I've learned to not focus on my families behavior, and focus on what's important....my mom. Our time together, and her well-being. Until your family is able to deal with it (and they may not), there's not much you can do about it. Don't get yourself stressed out over it. As your mom changes with each stage and progession of the disease, you'll have enough to be stressed about. I realize this is a lot to have to deal with at 22 years old. This should be a time in your life when you're learning who you are as a woman, and going after what you want in your life. Not having to deal with something as heavy as caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's. Believe me, when I tell you, you are not alone. Evident from those who've reached out to you via this post. Whenever you need to talk, vent, cry, etc. remember we are here for you. Understand too, that knowledge is power. Learn all you can about Alzheimer's. It will empower you, and not feel overwhelmed. Find a positive way to channel the range of emotions you'll go through. For example, writing down your thoughts, volunteer doing advocacy work for an Alzheimer's organization. Who knows, there may also be other young women like yourself who are going through the same thing as you possible start a support group. Don't try going through this alone or think you can handle things on your own...you can't. Whatever you do as a caregiver, don't make the mistake of thinking you're Superwoman...none of us are. The Alzheimer's Association has been a great help to me over the years. Check out their website at www.alz.org The Association also has a 24 hour Helpline you can call (800) 272-3900. I know this sounds easier said then done, but do remember to take a little time for yourself. Honestly, this took me a while to learn. Once I did however something as simple as spending time in Starbucks or the cafe at Barnes and Noble, sipping on a cup of tea reading a book or magzine was a great getaway. Or having lunch with a friend for an hour or so talking about something besides Alzhiemer's.

Warm regards,

Karen E. Wheeler

Vashti

5/ 5/08 12:48am

God Bless You ,it is hard to take this situation at hand but the nursing homes are horrible and seniors are use to their own surroundings and taking them from that will confuse them and cause them to feel loss of control in their lives,yes it's hard but so is seeing them abused or institutionalizing them and forgetting them.Ask your church and different organizations are available to lead your way !Hope this can help you a little!

Nancy Recine

6/ 2/09 2:23pm

Hi,

My mom was diagnosed 4 yrs. ago and is now in a nursing home. I get sick to my stomach when I visit because I never know if she'll be severely depressed, happy as a lark, or nasty. The decline in her alzheimers has been quick and as she begins a new year in the home I cringe at what's to follow. I am very depressed and have only my brother to vent on. My husband, as great as he is, is no help. My teeange sons are wonderful to me and mom but are out and about enjoying their life as they should be. The holidays are horrible because if she comes to my house she is terrified of the dogs, won't eat and just repeats herself over and over again and stares out the front door waiting to go back to the home. The personality changes are the most hurtful and she is often mean to me. She has zero short term memory. I know how you feel. I have searched for a support group near me but have not come upon any so far. Hang in there. You are the first person I have emailed and just found this board.

Ilovemybullies@comcast.net

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