Confirmation for my father.

Catherine,

 

My name is MK and I am the producer for this site. Thank you so much for writing, and for joining our community!

 

Your post offers so much insight into the inner turmoils of caregivers, and children of caregivers (often times they are the ones caring for the caregivers!). I especially appreciate your willingness to share your honest thoughts about your feelings for your father and what he is going through. Carol Bradley Bursack, one of our Expert Caregivers on this site, recently wrote a blog titled Caring for Parents Who Weren't So Caring. You might want to give it a read, or give it to your mother to read! It dispels the myth that everyone has the best relationships with their families...

 

Thanks again for writing, and take care.

 

MK

Catherine, there is much power in suffering if united with our Lords suffering on the cross.  Ask God for the graces to serve your parents in such a way that Christ is visable to them.  Perhaps God has choosen you to show so much love that your father may convert and come to know God and change.  When he is no longer able to communicate with you, remember God can still reach him.  Your mother has acted like a saint in her fidelity to her vows...You have a beautiful heart that shows in your loving letter.  Seek out a Priest to give you spiritual direction, prayer and blessings in what might end up being a very Holy time for your family.  This life here is so short, but what you and your mother are doing will be rewarded in and for eternity.  I will pray for you on this journey. 

  My husband is 48 years old and was diagnosed with dementia of an Alzheimers type 2 years ago. He has an intolerance to most medications he has been given thereby causing problems in keeping him on an even keel!.

He has been in a clinic for the last 6 months.I visit every day and tend to his needs...washing..feeding(of late).

His speech is now very jumbled with only a few recognisable words..mobility is becoming a problem too.

 

I used to take him home on a daily basis until he became unable to negociate stairs and steps of which we have both and are presently waiting to be rehoused in a suitable home....I want to give him quality of life for as long as I can.

 

There is not much support from family or friends , as they seem to shy away from our situation so I just carry on doing what I can.

 

The clinic he is in, is not the best place in the world...as by their own admission they are only used to geriatric care, as my husband is younger they say they do not know how to handle his outbursts, and tell me I have a calming effect on him that they cannot seem to mimic.

 

Life is very hard and quite frankly I dont know how I will manage in the future..but one thing is for sure  I WILL do my best.

 

 

 

Catherine, there are few functional families, but you have an extra hard situation here. I've written, often, about caring for parents who didn't care for you. I applaud you for your maturity and for helping your mom during this difficult time.

 

Please take care of yourself, and watch for feelings of guilt when you can't fix things. People with a caring heart like yours are prone to that.

 

Everyone wants to love their parents and feel loved by them, and when that doesn't happen, it's damaging. Your brothers obviously cannot help. I hope you can understand that this is where they are. It would be nice if they could step in for your mom's sake, and maybe they will help in some way, as time goes on. Meanwhile, please stay in touch with the group. We're here to listen and help if and when we can. Mainly, know you aren't alone with this.

Carol