This is a very helpful reminder, Dorian, of what all caregivers will face, and the statistics you offer suggest that many more people are electing to care for their elders in their homes. For some, there is no choice, I imagine, because the costs of group care are so prohibitive.
For others, though, the choice to keep the loved one at home seems the more compassionate thing to do, if it's at all possible.
You are right: the stress level on the caregiver increases. Daily contact makes the situation inescapable. I use a monitor in my mother's room for overnight bouts, and often my sleep is interrupted so that I can tend to her. We now have assistance from 9 to 5 every day, and twice a week, 5 till 8, so my life is much better than it was this time last year. I feel as if we have made a good choice for my mother, and as long as she is aware of her surroundings, this is where she will stay . . . as long as her funds for the caregivers we hire hold out. After that, I imagine my sisters and I will have to pool our resources and see what we can do to keep my mother here.
We learned, in watching my husband's mother's life end in her home, that the hospice workers in the area are really very, very compassionate. I am not surprised that this is the route many are using now.
Thanks again for a good post; I can directly correlate my experience with what you are reporting!
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My aunt died in a hospital, but thankfully she was the only one of my elders who did. She'd had exploratory surgery. The findings were that she was full of cancer, but because of the surgery there was no choice at that time other than to leave her where she was. I hated having her there and watching her die.
My other elders were able to die at home or in their long-time room in the nursing home which was their home at the time. Hospice helped both of my parents remain comfortable and their death experience was dignified and spiritual.
Because my parents and my uncle were in a skilled nursing facility that had become their home, there was no need to hospitalize them toward the end. They had nursing care as well as their familiar setting and we, as a family, had all of the familiar people to help us through the ordeal.
I'm saddened that the statistics show so many elders dying in hospitals. Hardly any would choose that. Thanks for this post, Dorian. It's good information.
Carol