loosing my wonderful mum

I am so sorry you and your family are having to deal with this situation.  It sounds like you and your dad have done everything you can for your mom - that's of course what great caregivers do.

If you haven't already, read The First 48 Hours written by one of our experts Carol Bradley Bursack. 

As well, it might do both you and your dad well to try and take things day by day.  I've read many stories of worry and concern and one things that resonates with all caregivers is that you can only do your best.

You should be able to find someone to help you manage alot of this too.  There are so many services and support groups available.  Look at the Alzheimer's Caregivers Web Resources age for some insight. 

Please come back and tell us how things are going and ask for help again if you need to - we all need help some days.

All the Best, SMM 

Many family members feel guilty about not being able to keep their loved ones at home. Alzheimer's disease is progressive, and individuals with the condition will eventually require 24-hour care. At that point, many caregivers bring professionals into the home or begin to look for an alternative living arrangement for their loved ones.

Placing a loved one in a residential facility can be difficult for the family and for the individual with Alzheimer's disease. It is important to understand that this move does not end caregiving responsibilities. Many caregivers continue to visit their loved ones and advocate for their needs in the new home. It is clear that while your mother is in respite care, you are doing everything you can to make her comfortable. I commend you for the work that you are doing, and I encourage you to continue your efforts.

Alzheimer's disease causes cognitive impairment and emotional upheavals. When an individual with the disease is moved from his or her home to a new environment, it may take weeks to adjust to the new setting. Moving may cause problems with sleeping or produce states of aggression or agitation-and may cause the incontinence you have mentioned. You may observe an apparent setback in the person's overall condition.

Caregivers can help an individual with the disease to adjust to a new setting by providing support. Some individuals will make a better adjustment to their new residence if the family visits frequently in the first couple of days or weeks. Some individuals need some time to acclimate to their new environment on their own. It is important that you create a schedule that will support your mother.

A couple of resources can help you find an appropriate facility that has a unit for individuals with Alzheimer's disease. Your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) can provide information about residential facilities, and services and benefits. To find an AAA in your area, contact an Eldercare Locator Specialist at 1-800-677-1116, weekdays between 9 AM and 8PM (ET).

Another resource that can assist you in your search is A Place for Mom. A Place for Mom is a free referral service available to help families find assisted living centers, nursing facilities and home care. A specialist will be assigned who is familiar with local facilities and who can match your mother to an appropriate facility. The specialist will consider the incontinence you report and help find ways to get her accepted for residence.

The Alzheimer's Foundation of America (AFA) has licensed social workers available from Monday - Friday between the hours of 9AM and 5PM (ET). If you seek counseling or additional resources in your area, contact AFA at 1-866-232-8484.