Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I have been reading online looking for some help for my sister who is taking care of her husband. He was diagnosed with early onset last spring and is becoming violent quite often. He just turned 60 years old, in excellent physical health and much stronger than my sister. I haven't found anything specific about this symptom and how to deal with it best. He is under doctor's care & taking medications. At what point should she look for other options other than taking this abuse while caring for him herself? She lives across the country from me, but stays in touch as much as time allows. I fear she is risking her own health & safety and don't know how to help her. Any suggestions from anyone who has had this happen to them would be appreciated.
Hi, Mendy,
Thank you so much for caring about your sister's safety. She's lucky to have someone like you who is focused on her well-being (while she focuses on her husband).
Outbursts are challenging to deal with, and I'm sure are especially difficult to handle when the loved one is in good physical shape. Because my mom didn't have the physical ability to really react in a violent manner (although she did have extreme emotional outbursts and did threaten to do things), I decided to seek advice from the excellent book, "The 36 Hour Day" by Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins. These authors noted that often combativeness can be prevented by watching for signals that the loved one's stress level is rising. "When a person becomes agitated, immediately stop whatever is upsetting him and let him relax," the authors said. "Do not continue to push him....Look for ideas for preventing outbursts or stopping them when they first begin."
I've also noticed that in the past when my mother's stress level started to go up (which could lead to a major outburst), I have had to really focus first on keeping my own stress level down. Otherwise, Mom "read" my emotional signals, and her stress level continued to spiral up (which would increase my own stress level). In other words, the loved one and the caregiver can contribute to this never-ending cycle that leads to these outbursts. By maintaining my cool, I'm often able to read her stress signals and then figure out how to calm her down and redirect her attention to something less stressful.
Again, thank you so much for caring for your sister's well-being. Encourage her to take part in this forum so we can all continue to help each other and our loved ones who are dealing with this terrible disease.
Dorian