Trying
To
Remember

Hiya, we recently came back from a two day jaunt in Minehead last weekend and even though a good time was had it was tinged with a little sadness because of my failing memory.

Unknown to me we had holidayed in Somerset four times in the last two years and some of them I have no recollection whatsoever. It's so frustrating!!! I cannot put into words how frustrating this illness is. Not only does it eat away at your self esteem but robs you of your most precious memories!! I listen transfixed at the tales what my "Angel" Elaine tells me and what we (or should I say I LOL) got up to and the feeling of "Wishing I was there" is overwhelming but made even worse so by the knowledge that I was, but can't remember a B****Y thing!!

All this seems to build up inside and sometimes without warning it explodes into a rage of frustration so much so I have to remove myself from the room I am in and put my headphones on, and with my music playing in my ears, it has, up to now, calmed me down.

This is one of the ways I try to deal with it but there must be so many people a lot farther down the line than me that can't find that escape valve and at times like this I think it's so important to remember that it's just this horrid illness and not the real person inside.

I have lost count the amount of times I have asked "WHY ME???" and wished all was back to normal, but it's not, and unless they find a cure it never will be. This also adds to any frustration I may already have so sometimes I feel as if I am in a never ending circle of desperation and depression. Can you imagine not being able to remember the things you have been told you have done?? Also knowing that at the moment things could only get worse?
I do use the word "Could" because deep down in my heart I feel with all my being that a cure will come soon and it's that "HOPE!!! That keeps me going. I am convinced that some who are a lot worse off than me also HOPE and pray deep down to be freed one day from this awful prison of Alzheimer's we are stuck in. The knowing is an awful thing but at the moment I can relate to it and write my feelings down. Can you imagine what it must be like to think as I do but are unable to convey that to the world?? It's one of my worst nightmares and I promise with all my heart I will carry on doing what I can while I can and for as long as I can,

God bless you all, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx