I have cared for my mother for seven years. She celebrated her 90th birthday in October, and she tells me, she wants to live a very long life. Go figure ....
Alzheimer's or a related disorder is not an illness that is short-lived when compared to other diseases.
My mother's friend died of stomach cancer several years ago. From diagnosis to death, the friend lived six months, the last few months at her daughter's house. When the daughter called to tell me that her mother had made her transition, she shared with me how honored she was to have had the opportunity to care for her mother. Though I said something like, "Oh, I'm so glad you had the opportunity to care for your lovely mother," I silently wondered to myself how honored she would have felt if it had been years instead of months.
Rarely does someone die from AD, and when the person does make his/her transition, it usually takes years not months. Therefore, caring for someone with AD simply can not be done successfully by a lone caregiver. Once you accept this, it's time to move on. Here's how.
1. Identify your needs. Do you need help bathing and/or dressing your loved one? What about house cleaning and/or grocery shopping? Maybe you simply need someone to be with him/her while you do the shopping or the cleaning? Have you thought about someone driving them around town in either your car or their's, or doing activities with them that they can still do?
2. Identify your resources. Alzheimer's Association, churches, family, friends, neighbors, community centers, and more. Think outside the box. Be creative!
3. Be bold and appropriate. Once you've identified your needs and your resources, get busy making phone calls. Ask for what you need. When it comes to family, if they choose not to help, do your best to take the high road. This is not the time to create and nurse grudges.
4. Barter with someone to stay with your loved one while you get out of the house for a few hours a day or week. If you can't pay someone to be with them, barter something you do particular well with someone whose talents are compassion and patience.
5. Stay focused. When the AD journey ends, you want to be mentally and physically healthy. So remember: Take care of yourself!
