Sadness and Anger are Consuming...............

Carol,

Today I met with the Nursing Supervisor and 2 of the Nuns that run this facility.  What I experienced was immediate action to correct the situation with the caregiver who baited and laughed at my Mom when she was angry and upset and was told that this behavior will not and is not tolerated.  I requested that this caregiver not be assigned to my Mother in the future due to her immaturity and ignorance.  They all agreed that this request would be granted and this caretaker will make a formal apology to me and my Mother.  They made no excuses for this behavior and said they have already spoken with this caregiver about this situation and she has been reprimanded. 

I found out what actually happened with the restraining incident.  One of the caretakers put my Mom in a wheelchair and placed the seat belt on her.  She did not feel she was restraining my Mom because she felt my Mom was able to unlock the belt by herself.  I told them that my Mom is not able to unlock herself from a safety belt.  The administrator expressed that they NEVER restrain anyone and immediately had this particular wheelchair taken off of the floor so that the caretakers would not do this again.  They also said they would revisit this concern with their staff.  I was very clear that I do not want my Mom restrained and asked them to call me anytime even in the middle of the night if they were having difficulty managing my Mom and I would be there to help within 10 minutes.  They agreed and assured me that they have found my Mom to be quite easy to redirect and love having her there. 

I honestly believe them and feel much better tonight.   Thank you so much for your kindness and compassion when I'm losing it (smile). 

Jan, I am so relieved. I have been where you are. You are doing everything right. I think you can believe these people.

Watch, of course. But they hire people in good faith. Even the caregiver who waas so foolish likely acted out of immaturity and ignorance, as you said. However, there have been incidences in very good homes where they have hired young people who really don't like "old people." What we consider abuse - and is abuse - they view as stress relief from their job. This hasn't been tolerated, of course. People have been fired and one even arrested. So, we must ever be vigilant.

That said, you have your mom in what sounds like a good home and you need to regain their trust so you can rest. You, like I was, are minutes away. I made many a night trip to the home (and to ER). They knew I was available and made good on calling me. Some floor nurses were overly concerned and called in the middle of the night for something that could have waited, but that was okay. Most had good judgment. They knew I'd be up in the morning, so if it wasn't something that needed tending to immediately, they waited.

I believe these nuns, too. I'm so glad you didn't run to an ombudsman without going through channels. I always ask people try the supervisors first, as most of the time the people in charge want to do the right thing. If things don't change, then pull out all stops. But what you did was exactly proper and will, I believe, have good results.

Blessings to you Jan. You are on my mind. Your circumstances remind me so much of my own (only I have several elders to keep an eye on). Keep us posted and try to take care of yourself.

Carol

Hi Nina,

As you can see by my response above I think I now have this situation resolved.  All of the caregivers in the skilled nursing facility my Mother lives in now are certified nurse assistants.  I agree with you that some of the younger caregivers are just not mature enough to handle this situation.  For the small amount of money they pay the caregivers in these facilities what I have found is that most of them are not just there for a paycheck, rather they gain much greater rewards for the compassion and love they give and receive. 

At this time, I don't believe having my Mother in my home is an option even with full time help.  It takes an army to care for these people when they get in the more advanced stages of their disease.  I just don't believe I could provide the best possible care for my Mother even with help at home now.  I do the best I can and help every day when I visit her.   

Thanks for your thoughts and support. 

Jan 

Jan, I am glad the situation has been resolved. The administration is pretty good at this. Most of the time, some caregivers do it because they have the compassion to do so.

I just hope we don't run into those young caregivers. We are also thinking between nursing home and home care, and I tend to think the nursing home has more to offer these patients as there are programs and activities and peers in the home. It is hard to move my FIL to a home, or it is just in our mind - and we were scared by the home care agents' warning. I think they want to keep the business.

Anyway, you gave me more confidence about nursing home. One thing I see is that the  family has to be nearby. So we would need to move my FIL to New York or Vermont to be closer to us. He is in Illinois now.

I sure hope your Mom will enjoy this new home for the rest of her life. Catholic homes should be nicer anyway.

Take care,

Nina

Thanks Nina.  Moving your FIL to a nursing home would be very difficult and I agree that being close to oversee their care and help with the transition is beneficial to everyone.  In the situation we are in with our loved ones there is never going to be an easy or perfect solution.  I wish you and your family the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.