The Worst Experience

John, I do have Durable Power of Attorney but in this situation it isn't possible just to take my Mom out of this hospital for several reasons.  My Mother was unable to sign herself into the unit and my POA has no bearing in the mental health environment.  In this instance, a waiver was completed to admit my Mother.  Under a State statue, I am not able for a period of time to remove my Mother.  I have been in contact with my Mother's attorney to gain Guardianship ASAP. 

The skilled nursing facility was unable to manage my Mother due to instances of aggression and combativeness.  They have agreed to hold her room after medication therapy is in place to stabalize her.  Fortunately, I am pleased with the doctor who is currently treating her and have confidence he will achieve the goal of peace for my Mom. 

We are now faced with another issue.  My Mother has stopped eating and drinking completely.  I have talked to her and explained that she must eat to feel better.  For a moment she became lucid and told me she wants to die and doesn't care.  I believe this is my Mother's way of controlling the end of her life.  A feeding tube has been recommended but Mom was clear many, many years ago that she believes a feeding tube is cruel and would never agree to this procedure.   The nursing home will not allow my Mother to return without a feeding tube unless there is another medical condition that determines she is terminal. 

I have talked with the director today at this hospital and am filing a complaint.  Pictures have been taken of the bruising and scratches on my Mother's upper arms and back.   I have requested and received extended visting hours to be with my Mother. 

I'm taking this an hour at a time right now, day by day.  My gut is beginning to tell me to take my Mother home with me and get through this as best I can.  I will, of course, ask hospice to come in and evaluate if it is time for their services. 

John, thank you for your kindness and concern once again.  Please pray for my Mom and my family.

Jan

Jan,

I am sorry to hear of your Mother's current condition.  Your family situation is near and dear to my heart, with my Father in his condition.  The illness of a parent is devastating for the entire family, no matter what the age of the parent.

My Father, too, made it clear he didn't want extraordinary efforts to keep him alive. We all are supporting his decision.  I totally understand your position.

Pray that a change in medication help to bring some peace for your Mother.  It turned my Father's life around at one point 6 years ago, so he had a few more years to enjoy his life peacefully. We thought at the time it would be a long shot, but it turned out to be a blessing, indeed.  Keep in mind, God has a plan.

Keep your head up.  Your family can help support each other because the common denominator is your dear Mother.  I will keep for your family in my prayers.  God might have closed the door today, but tomorrow he may open that window.

John

Jan,

Just checking back to see how your Mother is.  Improving?  I'm praying for your family that they can get your Mother in a more peaceful life.

Dad is peaceful and has little to no emotion now.  He is well taken care of and that's what makes my family ok with this.  Dad is not in pain, just living in his own little.  We are sad when they spend time with him, but we know that he is ok and taken care of.

I am keeping your family in my prayers.

John

Hi John,

Thank you for checking back.  My Mom is still in the hospital and the medication changes have been effective in that she is peaceful now.  The last two weeks Mom has almost completely stopped eating and drinking.  I had the opportunity to sit down with one of my Mother's doctors who spent an hour with me answering all of my questions directly while holding my hand as I cried.  Never have I met a more compassionate doctor.  He told me that my Mother is in the "severe stages" of her illness (I believe that is Stage 7) and that once they are ready to release my Mom from the Hosital we should have Hospice come in to help with her care.  I have been in touch and met with Hospice and they have evaluated my Mother and will begin helping as soon as we are able to take her home. 

Everything is happening so quickly right now it seems and I'm doing the best I can to figure out how to cope at this time.  I have been in contact with all of my siblings and for the most part, everyone has now come together as a family that loves, supports and respects one another.  The greatest gift we can give my Mom at this time is to show her that all of her hard work raising her children and everything she has taught us was achieved. 

My heart is just breaking....it has brought me to my knees.  I'm taking this one day at a time. 

Thank you again for your concern and support.

Jan

Jan,

It is good that your siblings and you are now getting together for this. I am so sorry that it has to come to this. Sometimes when the disease gets worse, you cannot do anything anymore. I hope you find a good hospice place. It could be in the hospital, or in another center or in your home if you want it that way.

My prayers are with you,

Nina

Nina, I commend you for your suggestion.   Hospice is wonderful. 

Jan, I know keeping her in your home is not an opportunity, but have any of your siblings talked about taking care of your Mother in their homes? 

With Hospice and additional nursing care support during the day in night, it's highly likely your Mother may be much more peaceful with one of her children rather than a home at this stage in her life. 

John

John and Nina,

Thank you for your continuing concern and suggestions.  I was able to spend an hour with one of Mom's doctors last night and he answered all of my questions and gave me further direction. 

I am in contact with all of my siblings and it seems we are all on the same page.

Mom is approaching the end of her journey.  I will be in contact with hospice soon.  I have experience with hospice with a friend of mine a few years ago.  Their knowledge and care at the end of life is a blessing. 

We are taking this a day, an hour, a moment at a time.....

Jan

Our concerns have been addressed and documented.  Action was taken immediately by this facility and specific employees have been removed and/or fired.  There have been six families who have filed complaints in regard to this facility within 2 days. 

It is just unbelievable that anyone would rough handle, neglect or abuse my Mother who is very frail and very ill or any human being for that matter.  Unfortunately, this happens all too often I now understand and you are correct, it is disturbing and action must be taken immediately. 

Good for you.  I hope the coming days are better for you and your mom.