Frustration & Anger

N.C. is OK Caregiver My husband and I are taking care of my father-in-law who has... Send Message Subscribe: N.C.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009
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I think we are probably really at the end of the rope. Or it is just me as daughter-in-law... My husband is like his Dad who has moderate Alzheimer's - he works and I see his Dad more in the house as we are visiting his Dad in his house this summer. Unfortunately my own father has his health is...

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End of rope
Carol Bradley Bursack
Wednesday, July 01, 2009 at 07:58 AM

You have so much to handle, Nina. The issue about your FIL working, unfortunately, won't go away even if you tell him the truth. He won't remember. He thinks he is working and that won't change.

I think this is bothering you so much because you have such a huge load in all areas. I hope your husband can see this, and if your FIL is ready for a nursing home, it may be time to find a good one where at least one of his children can visit and monitor things.

In-home care varies so vastly. It sounds like the agency you have isn't a good one for caregivers to work for, so you may not be getting the best caregivers, either. Is there another agency available for the time that you are waiting to make the nursing home decision?

I'm sorry about your Dad. That is draining you also. You need a break, that is for sure.

Please keep checking in.

Carol

re: End of rope
N.C.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009 at 06:10 PM

HI Carol, Thanks for your comment. I know my FIL will never know again the truth. So we don't show him photos unless he wants to. This way he is passive about wanting to work, not that he does not want to in the back of his mind. I don't bother to tell him he has 2 sons (and he would mix it up like he has 2 grandsons??? He got only one grandson.) We don't bother to say this is his house unless it is mentioned casually. Or he would go all the way with all kinds of questions to be upset or curious about it. He still thinks he needs to be in charge and forgot that we are taking care of him.

The agency surely has something fishy. We will think of nursing home as another agency is also expensive anyway with new caregivers/strangers. Will see.

I sure hope my Dad is ok. If he gets the cancer out ASAP. He is 86 and so the doctor told him he could wait 4 months for checkups - but this is just because of old age. I think doctors treat elderly patients quite differently.

Regards,

Nina

re: re: End of rope
Carol Bradley Bursack
Wednesday, July 01, 2009 at 06:57 PM

I hate to say it, but I think there certainly are doctors who treat elderly people differently. Sometimes they need to be treated differently than younger folks, but in a good way. They can't be ignored just because they are old.

You've got a lot to handle, Nina. Take care,

Carol