loss of memory

My father-in-law has lost lots of memory in the last 2 years. 2007 was the last year when he knew all the stuff going on in his family life. Starting 2008, he forgot his elder son until his son reminds him by calling on the weekends. In 2008, he forgot that his younger son, my husband, is his guardian or POA and is in charge of his properties and all that. He wanted any lady or couple to take care of him. One reason is that we don't live with him, but still this is the loss of his memory that he didn't realize my husband is the one that is responsible for all. No one else. No one unless the court orders someone to do so.

This year he really started to forget my husband by asking me if he is his son. Not all the time. He also forgot that his house is the one he bought with his late wife and he is living in his house.

Now he has trouble to understand the difference between neighbors, friends and family. He thinks everyone needs to "take care of" him and anyone can be his guardian or primary caregiver regarding money.

I just realized the level of loss of memory. I used to think ok, he remembers now and he can be reminded.... I never realized that he would lie or pretend that yes he remembers. Even if he really remembers, it is not like what I have in mind. He remembers without the details or important clues.

Well he is forgetting all. He cannot be reminded too much sometimes as it bothers him to know that he lost lots of memory. Sunday night, he told my husband that he was bothered that he forgot his son and asked him if he is his son. The funny thing is he can only deal with it right before he goes to bed, not during the day while he could enjoy the day by walking and watching tv. No need to deal with the loss of memoy.

The caregiver told me he will treat everyone the same in the future, except that he will hold on to my husband as he depends on him. However, he will continue to think the neighbors will help a big deal, but they only make emergency calls for us.

Well the caregivers' boss think he is lonely. But being lonely does not make friends or neighbors become his major caregiver. They don't even have the power to help him like my husband.

I had never witnessed such loss of memory. Even when I talked to my Mom, she was not really getting it either but she knew that he will eventually forget even himself. Unless you really see it, you really have no idea what it is like! It is not like regular forgetfullness that my parents may have.

The funny thing is he would pretend he remembers to please us. Or he felt embarrassed. At times he would not look at the photos. He would look out the window thinking something which I think it is about his memory. He told me he got deep thoughts or complicated thoughts (so great like a professor.) Well his memory and thoughts are in the wrong context because he forgets too much.

Maybe it is time to consider a structured nursing home so he gets the peers and has things to do.