Elderly couple living alone

I am aware that this is always the issue: should the elderly couple live alone on their own? When should the kids tell the parents to get a caregiver or find a suitable place to live? When should the kids tell them to get a lifeline so they can press the button for 911? My parents are 84 and 86. For now my Mom still insists on helping my Dad alone after my Dad's successful early cancer removal surgery in late August. But my sisters who live nearby always check in and are getting "nosy". One sister even told my Mom 2 months ago that they should stay put and don't travel back and forth between their home country and Calif. anymore and my Mom was pissed off.

Saturday my neighbor (we have a condo and this building has only 23 units) knocked on our door askiing my husband to help to put her husband who collapsed on the floor waiting for the paramedics to come. He had weak heart or congestive heart failure kind of thing and felt weak Friday night. The wife was all dressed up all night watching him. But for some reason, in the early morning around 8:30am or so, she didn't watch him and he collapsed in the bathroom near the front door so she was not aware of it as he was far from her in the back. It is too late. He passed away. She is 88 and he was 88. He was really outgoing and going everywhere. The other neighbor told us the couple seem to have mild dementia as they forgot to close the car door so she closed it for them in the garage. Well, they were quite smart and very alert and he never had AD at all. Very shrewd and remebered everything. The wife could have called 911 overnight but she didn't. She was shocked.

I guess we all say that it is the time. He had been quite weak for quite some time although he was walking around with a cane. Still I always like to say: do whatever we can and no regret. Wish that we could have done something different.  My point here is perhaps the couple should not live alone. But like my parents, they have their pride and want to live on their own in the cozy condo. No lifeline and no caregivers. (They hire cleaning maid and that is all.)

There is another neighbor upstairs in our building, and he is 92 or older. the daughter nearby makes sure everything was set up because he is sort of blind and has impaired hearing. In the fire accident a few years ago, he was left alone and didn't come out at all, but fortunately he was ok. He is still alone. It seems our building has more old people. Younger people tend to buy a house.

When should children interfere? Should we just let our parents live on their own after the age of 85? I am not saying all elders have dementia but they do need help at times. No nursing home or anything, but more help. More attention such as decision making.  How would the elders know what is the right thing to do when they are weak themselves? They are great people but they also have their pride.

Sometimes I wonder. I think it is true that we as adult children need to help and interfere in a loving way.

Nina