My mother insists on going back "home" (she is in assisted living) and becomes extremely irate when my brother, sisters, and I say we cannot support that decision, and we cannot help her. She slams the phone down and then calls the next person in line. We have all been receiving these requests, demands, and pleas. With every visit to her doctor, he tells her ever so tactfully that she is not experiencing the "normal" aging process (because she has asked about this) but is exhibiting something that is much more severe. She listens but doesn't comprehend. He has told her she is at risk if she lives alone and that she could not manage daily living chores. Again, she listens but does not hear. He has said that her depression is aggravating the decline in her mental state and that she needs the social stimulation that the care facility provides.
I would like to tell her that she has Alzheimer's, and that this is the reason her children (all of us) do not support her decision to go home. My younger sister does not want to tell her, saying the "kinder" way to deal with her and her requests is to simply change the subject. She fears telling my mom would send her into a deep depression from which she will not pull out. However, I have asked her dr for direction and he says it would be fine for me to have this conversation about Alzheimer's with her.
Has anyone out there dealt with this "tell or don't tell" situation? What is your advice? Is there anyone who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's have any suggestions? Would you, any Alzheimer's sufferer, want to be told or would you rather be shielded from this particular truth?
ctc
