I just want to write today, It's been a bad one

Lesa...sorry to hear you are having a bad day. When you said you feel pulled between wanting a life and wanting to make your Mom happy.....I understand. I experience the same feeling as a caregiver and also a person with dementia. I wrote down my feelings and explained I did not want my family to feel guilty when the time comes they can not longer take care of me by themselves. My family answered like this......" It is normal for us to feel guilty when we are no longer able to provide what is needed, especially medical or physical, for you. Each one of us will have to deal with our own emotional pain." This is so true....we can put into words what we would like and they probably will do what we ask but we can not ask them to deny their love and feelings they have for us. Every one of us goes through days like this. May you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. You "WILL" keep on going with love and determination.

Hugs and Blessings,

Sandy

Hi Lesa,

When I read this today I completely understood your feelings.   This is such a rollercoaster of feelings and just incredibly sad.  I always try to keep in mind that my Mom just isn't the person she once was but her heart and soul are the same.  Mom says things and does things and I have to remind myself that this is the disease, not my Mom and she just can't help it.  Yesterday was a difficult day all day long with her.  I left the facility twice to run some errands and catch a bite to eat and both times after I left the facility called me because Mom wanted to talk to me.  Each time I got on the phone she was confused, angry and I was unable to calm her down.  I kept returning to the facility to check on her, probably more for myself than anything.  At the end of the day she looked me straight in the eyes and clearly said "I feel I am ruining your life."  I told her that I loved her and just want to make sure she is comfortable and safe.   

I am certain that our Mothers would want us to continue to live our lives and be happy.  My Mom always said she did not want to live with any of her children because she did not want to be a burden to anyone.   I also know that as my Mom's disease has progressed I do not have the strength to care for her at home.  It really takes a "village" to care for the elderly with these diseases. 

I will pray again tonight for all of us and ask that we continue to have the strength to continue.    

Jan

 Hi friend,

 Lesa, You kow the answer to your questions as you have answered them to me. It is hard to fulfill wishes of the past but yet we all try to do our best. I truely hop that if I ever need help in life that I have someone like you and your husband and Brother and everyone else on this site to help me..

 I will tell the world that you have become a great friend to me. You always help me with everything I have gone through. We all feel the guilt riddin pain you have right now. How we gt through it is to put it out there for others to help us! Hard thing for some of us.

 I can't wait to meet you and share everything face to face. I still have my rivers, I just don't share them publicly as much.

 Keep strong my friend as I need you as much now as I ever have.

Prayers and love to you

HUGS

Bill