I'm sure you're tried every approach possible. Sometimes, an "outsider" can do intimate things of this nature. For some reason the person isn't as humiliated as they are when a spouse or adult child helps. My mother-in-law didn't want family members to help with her showers, so we hired an in-home agency. This worked for awhile until she needed nursing home care. Obviously, toileting is going on every day. It seems to me that you may have gotten to the point where your husband would do better with nursing home care. Then you can go back to being a loving wife, spend quality time with him, but not be "the enemy" who forces him to use the bathroom, etc. Only you can decide, but there comes a time with most people where they can no longer provide all of the care for a loved one with AD.
Please let us know how you are doing. We're thinking of you,
I am sorry to hear you are having problems caregiving to your husband. It is very common but is very stressful. Here are some links to shareposts that may help you.
I hope these are helpful. Remember that your husband does not do these things on purpose. It is the awful brain damage caused by this disease.
All my best wishes
As Alzheimer’s disease progresses, the individual’s ability to perform the activities of daily living, such as using the toilet, becomes increasingly impaired. The brain loses the ability to understand and process the steps and order in which these actions are done, and the whole process may be too overwhelming and/or confusing. Your husband’s emotional response could be in reaction to his feelings of frustration and confusion. As you and the companions for your husband have likely encountered, you will not be able to rationalize with your husband about why he needs to not only use the restroom but also why he needs to allow for some assistance. Instead, be mindful of the fear, anxiety and confusion that he may be experiencing, and approach him accordingly. Remain positive and supportive, and break down each step, offering simple verbal and visual cues. You might even want to try talking to him about something else to distract him during this time, or allow him to hold onto something comforting so he feels a sense of security while you are assisting him. Lastly, as you already do, if there is no immediate need, do not force the issue, and just try again a few minutes later.
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