How do I get an hour of privacy with my husband?

Dusty,

I can understand the predicament you are in: on one hand, you want to spend some quality time alone with your husband, but on the other hand, you have the sole responsibility of caring for your mother who has Alzheimer's disease. Being in this position has its challenges and it's understandable to feel pulled in both directions from time to time. But there is help out there. By utilizing the assistance available, you could not only provide the best care for your mother, but set aside some alone time for you and your husband. For starters, I would like to address the issue of asking your mother to watch television in her room for an hour while you have dinner. You mentioned that television and books no longer interest her these days. This may be because your mother is no longer able to process the information that she is seeing or reading. Your mom may either get confused by the subject material, or may have a hard time following sequences. With the progression of Alzheimer's disease, many individuals are not able to engage in the tasks they once found simple or enjoyable. If you find that your mom cannot gain from the activities you put in front of her, you might want to consider changing the activities so that she can enjoy them and succeed at them every time. For instance, if your mother is not interested in watching television, it's a good idea to find something that she likes more, like looking at old photos or listening to her favorite music. Some individuals with Alzheimer's disease enjoy simple, repetitive tasks like mixing cake batter or folding towels. If she can take pleasure in these kinds of tasks, you may find that she is engaged far longer in them, which could potentially reduce the amount of confusion and disorientation that she experiences. In addition, this could free up some time for you to spend with your husban d. However, if your mother is left alone to engage in tasks, please consider safety issues and make sure that she cannot do any harm unsupervised. If you find that she needs more supervision, or simply cannot keep herself stimulated without the help of another individual, you may want to consider hiring assistance for one or two hours during dinner time. You can hire a companion or aide to keep your mother stimulated and cared for, which would temporarily relieve you of the responsibility and give you some much needed respite as well. Contact a local Alzheimer's agency or a home health care agency in your area. The Alzheimer's Foundation of America offers respite care grants to families with financial need; you can contact us at 866-232-8484 to find out more.

Dusty,

I would first love to know the kinds of things that used to interest your mom before she was diagnosised with Alzheimer's.  For example:  my granddad used to love to fish.  I set up a fishing kit for him to organize and sort and match.  He had a short attention span but with this kit, he would stay occupied for an hour and a half.  I once helped a lady who had been a librarian before retiring.  She would wander aimlessly for hours.  We set up a table with books, a stamp, a pad, and 3X5 index cards.  She would spend two hours organizing the books.  Not only did it give her something to do but it also made her so happy to feel that she had a purpose.

If you'd like to email me directly, I might be able to come up with some good ideas that might work for you and your mom.  Katrina@alzcaregroup.com

Also, don't forget about companion services.  Often you can have someone come and sit with your mom at a reasonable cost.  This might also be an option for you.