My father-in-law sometimes wants to die too if he realizes he is way off to lead a useful life anymore. But not all the time if he forgets about it or thinks that he can still do something. The thing is in the US, we don't have the assisted suicide stuff and my FIL seems to think we can just put him down! So we told him it is illegal to put him down or help him to die! We said the doctor cannot kill him either!! Well, he would often change his mind next time again! One time he said he is 100 years old and sat in the yard thinking he will die just like that (as if we can put him down and he is 88.) The best thing to do is distraction - take her out and do some stuff so she will forget about death for a while.

To be honest, if my FIL does not take enough medications, his life would be in danger given his bad heart. But we only distract him or tell him we have no way to put him down or kill him as I am not going to become a criminal just for him!!

I guess distraction will help. Do something nice with her like going to the store or park. Do some hobbies like knitting or cooking or folding... That is the only way I can think of. My FIL is not there for hospice yet (maybe another 3 years!!) He even asked if it is cheap to die. It is just not the point!! Home care is expensive and etc. Well, we just deal with it whenver he talks about it. I think distraction or ignoring will do the trick.

Take care,

Nina

My father who has Alzheimer's also has days where it is clear he has lost incentive to live. But thank God, he's not like that every day!

You have a real challenge, & it must be painful to see your grandmother like this. Perhaps she feels she has fulfilled her purpose in life, that she has nothing left to live for. Have you taken her to see her minister, priest, rabbi? They are well-versed in end-of-life issues. (Also, if there is an area hospice, they often offer free programs or call-in helplines for family caregivers, as well as the Alzheimers Association.) If she does not have a faith, perhaps that is what is calling out to her. Where does she think she is going after she dies? It seems those who do not have a faith to sustain them in life have a harder time dealing with the end of life. Those who feel a sense of purpose, of feeling needed, look forward to every new day as a blessing.

Your grandmother may miss all her relatives and friends who are now deceased, having no one her own age to talk to, someone who has a lot of history in common. If your area has a senior center or an assisted living community with programs that you can sign her up for, do so as soon as possible before she loses what in Alzheimer's is known as a "social presence" where she is no longer interested in anything or anyone else and ceases to talk. In this way, you can help her to remain able to relate to others for as long as possible. 

If she is aware of her future as an Alzheimer's sufferer, she may not want to live to see the later stages. In that case, death would be merciful - not only on herself but on her family as well. As someone who is caring for a late-stage Alzheimer's parent at home, it is very painful to watch my father's decline. I pray the Lord is merciful and takes him home before his mind is totally gone and he is totally dependent on skilled nursing care and machines to stay alive. He never wanted to live that way.

But for now, Dad still has more good days than bad days. He no longer recognizes us, but he never wants to be away from home for more than a couple of hours. Sleeping and eating are his two main occupations, and he enjoys food now as much as ever, although we have to be careful to puree his food and thicken his beverages because he is a choke risk. It is surprising that your grandmother uses the analogy about putting a pet to sleep, because I often see relatives of elderly people who are all too eager to see their elderly relatives die off! She doesn't realize how very fortunate she is to have loved ones who care for her as much as you and your parents do. I often wish that people would take as good care of their elderly relatives as they take of their pets! Most people wouldn't treat their pets as badly as they do their elderly parents. 

Another suggestion: my Dad is usually unaware of his condition, but he has good days of surprising clarity. His memory of events from his early adult years is particularly strong, and he still loves to reminisce. In fact, there is a magazine called Reminisce that he loves to go through and look at. The pictures alone get him very animated, and he enjoys talking about things that he hasn't talked about in years, if ever. We have learned an amazing amount about his tour in World War II in Europe, about his high school & army buddies, his first few jobs, the cars he bought, & interesting information about older relatives we never met who have been long gone, things he remembers that he never told us about. Indeed, each day is a gift. You and your grandmother are in my prayers. Ask her about her growing-up years, her early adult experiences. Divert her attention away from negative moods by asking her questions that preoccupy her mind. Enjoy the stories of her life. Help her make a memory book with photographs and people's names from her past while she still can. Type up her stories, and organize it in loose-leaf fashion so you can add things in chronological order as she thinks of them. Help her to feel gratitude for the seasons of her life. By doing this, she will knows that it matters to you, so she will feel needed again. By giving her back her sense of dignity, you will make her feel important once again, as she did before she reached retirement age, and her will to live may return.