You are so kind and have done so much, but it's time for social services to get involved. If you have contact information for the family, give that to social services as well. They should be able to figure out what steps are needed to take care of her.
Thank you for being such a wonderful neighbor. There does come a time when you can't do it all. Your time has come. Please get help from agencies that are put in place for people's welfare.
Please check back if you can,
Does she have any family? Who hires the person for her? Family? If she has family, you can call social worker and tell her that she needs more help. A neighbor can only do so much. If she is treating you like her personal caregiver or even her family, then you need to draw a line - you got a Mom too. She has no right to tell you that your Mom can wait.
This is actually the family's responsibility. You need to tell the family that you cannot help her anymore. Sometimes the family may assume that it is OK with you, not that the family should leave it like this. That caregiver that helps her bills should do more for her but I guess she didn't order him to do so.
Unless you can call her family directly, call the social worker about this situation. I would suggest that you go to the family first and tell them if they don't hire a proper person to help her do all the chores, you will call the social worker who will find help for her.
If she has no one, you can call the social worker. However if you are there, she will always call you to help. She needs to get a live-in helper or goes to a nursing home or AL. It is hard to tell her that you cannot help anymore. Maybe you can start with stopping helping some part of it. Hire a snow boy to shovel for her and she will pay for it.
Talk to the guy that is helping her and see if he can do more and what is he? Is he a caregiver or volunteer or CNA? Does he know any home care professional?
One reason that she treats you as a personal caregiver is that she is confused. My FIL always thought his neighbors owe him money or they are his caregivers somehow... The block of the houses seem to be connected to him. But there are all separate households!! You need to draw a line.
Maybe use an answer machine. If she calls, don't answer it. Get call display and if you know it is her, don't answer it. Of course, in the mean time, call the social worker to get help for her ASAP so she does not bother you so much.
The other thing is, she is incompetent. So you cannot really count on her to make a change or whatever. That is why she needs a guardian who will decide what to do for her. If she asks you 6 times a day, that is because she thought of you as her personal caregiver for some reason. Maybe she wanted to use you but she may also be confusd and cannot recognize people properly and thinks that any neighbor owes her.
Like I said before, please call the social service and they will figure it out.
If you really want to worry about what kind of care she needs to have, you need to have a legal position like POA to worry about that. Otherwise it is the family's business.
I know there was a story in this house behind my FIL's old house. My FIL is now in a residential home. Anyway, there were 3 or 4 siblings in that old house behind my FIL's house. The parent was a professor. What people didn't know was that their siblings died one by one in old age but were never reported and the bodies were in the house. In any case, one day someone nosy went to see the house and found out about it. There is only one living sibling alive and we saw her often. The social worker sent her to a nursing home. So, the goverment does have the power to help but people have to report it.
It sounds like you have given a lot of time and energy to caring for your neighbor. Since you now feel overwhelmed and burned out by these responsibilities, perhaps you could speak with the paid caregiver about all that you do for this woman and discuss what alternative care options are available. Also, perhaps this paid caregiver knows of family members who could get involved with her care. You might also want to find out the local social services agency in your area and provide this information to your neighbor's paid caregiver, family members and/or guardian to see about having your neighbor assessed for services. Locate your local agency on aging at www.eldercare.gov by entering your zip code. When calling that agency, ask about case management services.
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