Friday, December 05, 2008 Leslie asks

Q: Toileting

My dad still recognizes when he needs to go to the toilet and knows where he needs to go. However, recently he's been getting mixed up regarding toilet paper, where to put it after cleaning himself (we find it in the waste basket, laundry hamper, bathroom drawers/cabinets). This morning he used the plastic bag from the small waste basket to wipe himself. My older sister still lives at home and gets him up, dressed and gives him breakfast before she leaves for work 7:30am every morning. She gets Mum up before she leaves and Mum will tell him to get washed etc before the day care bus picks him up. Mum is very angry and very miserable and very stubborn and absolutely refuses any external help to come in and will not attend any appointments with him at the Memory Clinic. Other than moving in myself, I help as often as I can as I'm currently not working.

Wow ... this is more than I expected to write. My main concern is primarily up at the top of this note! Thank you ... Leslie

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Answers (3)

Dorian Martin, Health Guide

12/ 7/08 7:16am

Hi, Leslie,

Thank you for your question. I know how hard it is to watch a parent have these types of difficulties.

I'd suggest that your family may want to "streamline" the bathroom in order to help your dad know where to place the toilet paper. By that, I'm suggesting moving the laundry hamper to another room and finding ways (if you can) to close the bathroom drawers/cabinets (much like you would do with an infant). You might put a sign up (if your dad can still read) that says something like, "Put toilet paper in the toilet."

Take care and keep us posted!

Dorian

Patti

12/ 7/08 12:36am

I'm just a care giver for a neighbor and it seems almost what I see over there. I care for a man who has been diagnosed with dem.and though I could make this very long I'll try to keep this short. Just keep in mind compassion; I'm sure your dad is trying very hard and gets upset when and if he is told he was wrong once again. When you or whoever cleans up after just make sure you make some excuse to clean his hands. "My" guy gets upset not so much that we're "fussing over him" but the fact that "he did it wrong". It takes alot of patients(sp) and alot of demand. But If you or your sisters have it gooood for you; If not; thats Ok too, I feel that you or anyonelse have to be ok and understand that there are alot out there that can't handle it and think there loved one should be doing things the way they used too and your dad I'm sure has always takin care of his family and it is hard to see him weak and needy. DON'T TELL HIM THAT. GOOD LUCK AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL.PATTI

Connie Moore

12/10/08 4:44am

Hi Leslie, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don't know how to answer your question other then to say this is pretty common with Alzheimers. My husband wanted to put crackers in the bed room thinking it was the pantry. Their minds just get so lost on the most common things that you would never think of. What is noramal to us is no longer normal to them. Problem solving is one of the main diagnostic tools to diagnosis alzheimers. Alzheimers patients can remember many things from their past but short term memory is affected and the ability to problem solve.

Your mother sounds like she is either in a deep depression or having her own Mental issues. Can you get her to see a doctor. As a spouse I know my husbands diagnosis was almost more then I could bare. I was very angry but not with him I was angry with life and stayed in denial for a very long time. It is possible your mother has had some sort of break down, I know I have felt close to losing it. See if you can get her to talk to you or her pastor or the doctor and let them find out what is wrong. The hard part with this disease is you grieve daily. It's not like someone you love dies quick you watch them leave you daily and you die a little more inside each day. Were they really close and were they married a long time. Sorry for all the questions but losing the love of your life daily is a devestating event and sadly your mother is not dealing with it well. If she was always a pleasant person before I would definately have her checked out because this does not sound normal. I am sorry and am not trying to be mean just throwing out some suggestions as to the cause of her behavior. Is your father ready for possible placement in a nursing home or Alzheimers center. How do you feel about that and what would your dad want you to do. It sounds you are the one carrying the load here and you may have to be the one that steps up and says this isn't working maybe we need to look at other options.

Please if I can help write me. I am not trying to get in your business. Your talking and asking questions is very good for you. Keep talking and keep asking questions you need to get this out. Venting helps a lot. Your friend In Texas. Connie

Q: Toileting

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