- Introduction
- Diagnosis
- Treatment
- Prevention
-
Caregiving
- Coping with Emotional Changes
- Coping with Memory Loss
- Costs and Insurance
- Creating a Daily Routine
- Exercise
- Health and Wellbeing of the Caregiver
- Home Safety Adjustments
- Mental Exercises
- Respite Care
- Talking to Children about Alzheimer's
- Talking to Friends about Alzheimer's
- Telling Someone They Have Alzheimer's
- Transition to Assisted Living
- Transition to Nursing Home
- Work
- Related Conditions
- Resources
Q: My mother needs nursing home. Is completely incontinent and dependent for all meals and medication (brittle diabetic). She refuses to go. Dr tried to help but now she won't go back to him.
Hi Dolly,
Nina is right that there's generally a waiting list for nursing homes. It sounds like her health issues may be too severe for assisted living, though they vary in what type of person they will consider. Many have memory units, but her diabetes is a concern.
A third party, other than the doctor, may be able to help. Does she have a trusted friend or clergy person who can talk with her? If not, you may need the help of social services to get her into a nursing home, as she has a right to refuse unless they determine her to be unable to care for herself (which shouldn't be hard). Keep the doctor's recommendation in the picture.
If possible, get her directly from your sister's home to a nursing home, as (Nina mentioned) too many moves are a negative for her. Also, once in your home, it's just one more battle for you to move her again.
Please contact local nursing homes right away and see what is available. They may be able to help you. You could also try your local ombudsman. Try www.ltcombudsman.org and type in the Zip code you want. This person will have good advice. Transitioning is one of their specialties.
Take care,
Carol
Dolly,
You need to apply for a nursing home or assisted living home for your Mom first. The home may have waiting list or may have a bed ready. However, they will evaluate your Mom and the doctor's letter of diagnosis will be very helpful. The home will evaluate first to see if they can accept her. So this takes a while.
The hardest part is your Mom refusing to go to a nursing home or AL. This is personal in each family as the excuses will be varied for different families.
You may tell her this is temporary or you need to tell her the house has to be fixed and so on. She won't listen to you and may not be tricked if she is not used to be tricked. (Some patients get so sick that they can be tricked due to memory loss.)
Also moving too many times is bad for your Mom. You need to find a final place that can help her and she won't have to move.
Sometimes after 1 to 3 months, she may get used to it and like it. But you have to try it.
Good luck,
Nina
Hi, Dolly,
Nina and Carol made some excellent points. In our case, my mom had to have a geriatric psychiatric evaluation to get an Alzheimer's diagnosis. She was placed in a hospital and the social worker helped us identify and find a nursing home. Once she was released from the hospital, I drove her directly to the nursing home. It was the hardest drive I ever had to make in my life because I knew how much she was going to hate it. I dropped her off and headed for home, but was called back by the nursing home when she had a tantrum. I went back and had to sit with mom for awhile to calm her down. She was extremely angry at me, but I told her that the decision was made by a doctor (which was true). I told her we would discuss it later, but that she needed to relax. She finally calmed down, although over the next few months I would periodically be the subject of her anger about wanting to get out of the nursing home. So be prepared to know that it will take a while for her to adjust.
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
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