My mom is stage 5 alzheimer's.I along with my sister are her live-in caregivers, and have her in a routine. She recognizes her surroundings and has always been a "home body".I have siblings that want to move her from her home to an apartment. My question is would this be a wise move as she has a routine and loves her home?
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3/12/13 7:53am
Your mom is very fortunate to have people she loves to care for her. You and your sister are really a blessing.
In general, the less someone with Alzheimer's is moved, the better. Since she's content, she still recognizes her home and the routine is going well, I'd suggest that you keep her in her home.
Many geriatricians feel that with each move something is lost for the person with AD. If there are financial reasons where there is no choice, then you may have to move her. But if the move is for her sake, I'd advise that you let her enjoy where she is.
Take care,
Carol
3/12/13 8:14am
It sounds as though your siblings have a compassionate reason for the move (not greed as is often the case). However, I think you are right.
If you need more backup, I'd ask her physician. I think most doctors would agree that as long as she's not physically in danger or uncomfortable in her home, she's better off there.
Good luck to you all.
Blessings,
Carol
3/12/13 8:37am
Again, thank you Carol, but I have to confess that I am afraid that one sibling's reason is selfish and the other is just going along with her out of fear that he will lose her bond. The one pushing for the move has a long history of conflict with mom and the land that mom's home sits on is much in the center of the conflict. I am planning a family meeting so that we can all sit down and discuss the issue, there are 7 siblings, so getting them all together is rather difficult. In the meantime I will speak with mom's doctor and get her input on the matter. Again, thank you for your response, it's good to hear an un-biased opinon. Kind regards, Tom
3/12/13 9:07am
Good luck, Tom. Sadly, it often does come down to money for some siblings. I hear it often. Good luck with your family meeting. Having the doctor to back you up should help. I hope they listen to you.
Best,
Carol
3/12/13 12:14pm
First, you and your sister should be commended for taking on the responsibility of assisting your mother. Taking on that responsibility is not an easy task. You noted that her home is in constant need of repair due to it being an older mobile unit. Generally, if your mother is happy where she, then why move her? The only reason that I would advise you to relocate your mother is if her home is putting her health and safety at risk. For example does her home have mold in it? Does the mobile home have proper heat and hot water? Perhaps, getting a mobile home inspector to evaluate her home for safe living conditions would be a good start. If the inspector deems the home to be safe, then I would not move her to a new apartment. Lastly, I would advise you and your siblings have a family meeting to discuss all current and future planning. The family meeting can be a useful forum where your siblings can provide ideas and interventions to best care for your mother.
3/12/13 12:19pm
It is true that your Mom should not be moved unnecessarily. But this doesn't mean she cannot be moved if needed. e.g., if the home care expenses are too much or the home is too old for her to live in and etc. The reason has to be for her, not for the siblings. She is the one that you need to consider. If the home is dangerous, you need to consider a facility for memory unit. She needs to go to a memory unit eventually if she gets sicker. Now the family may be able to care for her and she likes her home but she won't know her home in the future as she gets sicker.
The best thing is to make sure she doesn't move again unnecessarily. e..g, you may want to think about a memory unit. If she has to go to the memory unit one day, then you may want to consider a facility in the long run instead of a small private apt. You need to consider home care exepsnes.
My late FIL always liked his old house and I admit that his memory was better in his own old house. But the home care expenses were too much and the house was too old to be safe to live in. He also went to the hospital too many times. So we moved him to a memory until and he was happy there until his death last year.
Please understand that Mom may not be able to continue to be cared for in this condition and she will get worse. So a reasonable move is OK, but not to a place that doesn't help her, like a private apt., not a facility. A facility has more people to help her. I assume this "apartment" is a smaler private place, not a facility?
My suggestion is to keep her at home until the family cannot afford it and then you can consider a memory unit so she doesn't move too many times.
Regards,
NC
3/14/13 9:13pm
Hello, Tom. You are such a loving son to want to help your mother to the best living circumstances in her final years. Kudos to you.
Like the others, I agree that moving her is less optimal than leaving her in her own home. If the home is clean, dry, warm, and not prone to additional bug and rodent residents, then this seems like a good place for your mother to be in, at least for now. Given that this is a progressive disease and she might not always be ambulatory, it would be difficult to determine the best course for any situation that might eventually come your way. (For instance, can the space handle a wheelchair or hoyer lift, if she reaches the final stages?)
Your plan of having a family meeting is such a good idea. I hope this meeting will take place outside of your mother's hearing, just in case it should come about that there are arguments about her and her financial condition or her needs.
I think that if you wanted to seek a rich resource for plans for the future, dealing with differences of opinion among siblings, and so forth, you might want to consult the book called The 36 Hour Day. It is just made for people like you (and people like me).
My mother is in stage 5, also. We moved her to my home about four years ago, when the diagnosis was first reached. She had actually be living with us on and off for the previous two years. With the diagnosis, the family had to act quickly, since she could no longer live in her home on her own. My one sister who lived in that area could not bring herself to move in and live with her and help her. So we concluded it would be best to sell the home and move her in with my husband, me, and our elderly rescued dogs. It has worked out for her.
I mention this mostly because it's not the end of the world for her if it should happen that you have to move her. It is possible that if you and your sister could remain with her, she would do quite well with the change of scene. The book I mentioned offers suggestions about how to help with adjustments after a move.
Finally, I wanted to suggest that, if you have not done so already, you and your family will want to create a power of attorney so that someone can handle the estate matters/investments, etc., in future. And you'd do well to have an advance medical directive, in case your mother eventually needs complete medical care. My mother has rejected what we all call "heroic measures," including feeding tubes. This is something you and your family will want to think about as your mother's situation continues to deteriorate. It is something that, ideally, the siblings all be informed about and agree on - but it is your mother's decision, not anyone else's, about whether she would like life-sustaining measures to be used.
Your letter moved me when I read it, and though I don't come to the site often (I have a full-time job while hiring help for but remaining my mother's primary caregiver), I came back this evening to send this message out. You are a loving son doing what you can to help your mother.
All good wishes to you at this difficult juncture in your life,
CJ
3/19/13 5:02pm
Hi, Lamatom,
I first of all want to salute you and your sister for taking such good care of your mother. I know that it definitely is hard at times, but you'll look back and feel this is one of the proudest accomplishments of your life.
To answer your question, in my experience moving someone with Alzheimer's (especially in a later stage) can be really detrimental. My mother was moved several times to different rooms at the nursing home and we saw her cognitive ability dip each time. As Alzheimer's disease progresses, it is really important to stay in a routine and a known environment. The less moving around, the better.
Here are some blogs I wrote related to moving Mom:
Moving Part III: The Importance of Stability and Structure
Moving Day: Creating Smooth Transitions for Your Loved One
Helping Mom Through the Last Move
Should We Move Mom to the Newer Alzheimer's and Dementia-Specific Facility?
Take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
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By lamatom— Last Modified: 03/19/13, First Published: 03/11/13
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Thank you Carol, as you may have already figured this is a dis-agreement between siblings. Mom's home is an older mobile home and is in constant need of repair. The ones that want to move her say they are concerned with her well being, and I can understand their concerns, but I am very handy and don't mind doing the repairs. You have helped to confirm my thoughts on moving her. It's not a dream home by any stretch of the imagination, but it has been her home for the past 30+ years, and I am very concerned about moving her, fearing that to do so would put her in a downward spiral. Her physical health is still good, so I feel that the steady, calm routine she is in now is the best for her.