thanks for replying back. this is so complicated. i know there are agencies out there for information and assistant,but my mom nor dad is going want to do this. i know them real well. my mom keeps saying your father is fine and we will deal with the next step when we get there, which i feel is so wrong.going by the information i have read and the information thru the agency i talked to, my mom really isnt helping him.im just trying to figure out little things to do with him and im at a loss. thanks again.

Hello again.  When my father started down the road that led to his death, he had little strokes, which led to some dementia.  My mother remained in denial most of the time he was facing his dying illness.  Sometimes those closest to the loved one have great difficulty facing what lies ahead.  Maybe this is one of those times.  Maybe she is trying to protect him and protect his and her privacy from perceived intrusions by outsiders?

With spring coming on, perhaps just getting your father out for a ride would stimulate him.  Maybe going out for lunch with him?  My mother loves to have blueberry pancakes for lunch at a local spot.  Perhaps trying to find one event that brings a small pleasure would help.  Getting him out to a park (but remember to bring a sweater for him, to place over his shoulders, because the shoulders can get chilled) - that might help him see the birds and squirrels and other lively creatures of the natural world.  You can't press him to have great experiences; mostly you can try to provide a scene that might stimulate him and take it from there with him.  If there is a nearby park where you can feed birds or squirrels, this might make him feel happy.  

Your parents might have a relationship that is mutually dependent.  Your father might believe his wellbeing is tied to your mother, and your mother, vice versa.  This was so with my parents, but eventually my mother simply exhausted herself and had to call in her daughters for assistance.  Do you have other siblings?

You are very loving to try to help.  Keep us posted on what kinds of things are working for you, okay?  And again, those jigsaw puzzles were a real treat for my mother.  You can google and find the Alzheimer's store easily.

hello again thanks for responing, yes i have two oldser sisters, one is married with three children, no they are little toddlers,one is driving, i also have three children, one lives on her own and my son and other daughter live with me.my oldest sister lives with my mom and dad she is 53,no kids.they really are no help at all which is very sad will take all your suggestions to heart to help my dad in any way i can and my mom if they respond, i dont know. lets keep in touch this really helps me. thanks again.

Good evening.  It's very hard on families when things go awry with parents.  For my family, my father's loss brought on all examples of our dysfunctionality.  Mostly, it's very hard because not all siblings can be on the same page, and the life partner, in this case your mother, sometimes cannot accept or face what is the reality or what's to come.  If you can bring your sisters at least to understand your "take" on things, that will help you all, in the longest run.  And it will eventually help your mother.

When it was clear my mother needed assistance, my sisters were not really there for her.  I had cooked for her for years, providing little frozen dinners that she could microwave, given that we knew she was not cooking for herself.  It was hard to see her so willing to live a deprived life, simply to live as she had lived for years.

I think if you could get your father out for an outing - a drive, a cup of coffee, an especially tasty lunchtime - you could then offer to do this again and make a "thing" of it - a treat for you to spend time with him.

You are so loving to try to find a way to make him have some good time in his last times. 

This site seems to offer opportunities for private messages.  I've never used the system for this, but if you would like to talk by email privately, I'd be happy to "talk" with you.  I too was the last child who was most willing to accept things as they were, when my father was leaving this world.

Best wishes to you,

CJ