My husband has been in a care facility for more than 2 months. Today for the first time I took him out for a ride in the car. When we went back, he started to cry, didn't want to stay,and did not remember ever being there. It was like taking him to the home for the first time. Is it better if I don't take him out at all. It's very hard to see him this way.
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Q: Husband doesn't want to return to care facility
Answers (3)
10/ 8/09 8:07am
Misty, my heart is breaking for you. I've been there. Sometimes it gets to the point where our best intentions backfire. People bring their loved ones "home" for the holidays and find them agitated and upset rather than joyous. It's just too much for them to handle. Since your husband is at a stage where he doesn't remember that the care center is his home, after you've gone for a ride, it may be time to just take him around the building for your "outings." Do things with him. If they have a garden area and it's nice, take him out there. But maybe taking him away from the building has become too much.
You have to go with your gut. But it seems he gets confused and his memory is part of it. If it's distressing to him to come back because he doesn't remember living there, then maybe it's time for other diversions.
Take care. I know this is tough.
Carol
10/ 8/09 10:32am
Hi, Misty,
I agree with Carol's assessment. The other challenge that I found in my mom's case is that she would experience disorientation the day after an extended outing. We placed Mom in a care facility in October. Her first "field trip" was to come to my house for Thanksgiving. She seemed fine, but uncharacteristically quiet that day. My brother took her back to the nursing home that evening. The next day, Mom experienced disorientation. I wrote about this at:
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/2396/holiday-season
The following year, we moved all of our celebrations (birthdays, Thansgiving, Christmas, etc.) to the care facility due to this disorientation (as well as the challenge of moving Mom in a wheelchair and her need for oxygen). Other than trips to the doctor's office, she remained in one place, although we would wheel her to different parts of the facility to give her a different view if she expressed a need to "travel".
I know how hard this is. Please do take care and keep us posted!
Dorian
10/ 8/09 8:39pm
misty I am sorry I also had to deal with the same thing my son got my mom his grandmother from the nursing home for what he thought a get together at my house she was fine at first then after a while she got angry and was saying mean things to everyone it took us 8 hrs to get her back my son was so upset so now we just go to her and there is a court yard so we go there it is in the middle of the nursing home she cant get out.Also I know It Is hard when thay say things like please don't or your not take me back.So once agian I feel your pain.
10/ 8/09 9:12pm
Thank you so much for your answer. It's good to hear from those who have faced the same things.
10/ 9/09 7:28am
This brings back memories. I had "two" of everything going on for over a decade, as I had young children who needed some type of holiday at home, but also the elders go so coming to my home was hard on them, so we needed to celebrate with them at the home. It was quite a juggling act, but it can be done.
Keep us posted. This is a very difficult transition.
Carol
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