Thursday, July 23, 2009 Nell asks

Q: What is some pointers at helping with my husband on unsecurity of not being with me at all times.

My husband has early stages of dementia / alzhemer's. He is very jeolious of my relationships with others. He wants me with him at all times, he will even ask me where I'm going even if it's just to the next room. He is still able to help himself with daily activities and I encourage him to do so. His closeness to me is sometimes overbearing because of my work and needs for everday life. He seems to think that I will leave him and not return, I have tried to comfort him, that I will always be here when he needs me. That I will always be back. We have no children to help with our lives, and we live in the country. He's disability is not bad enough for him to be placed in a home or facility during the day time. He has the ability to call me on the phone and also can call friends if needed. I try to take him with me when ever going shopping or other locations, but he always wants to go home early and not stay for very long terms.

Thanks for your help,

- A
- A
- A

Answers (2)

Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide

7/24/09 10:23am

Fear is at the bottom of this. If he can't see you, he fears you are gone. He probably forgets what you told him about being back. This dependency is very hard on you and would be better if you could get someone (a friend, perhaps) to sit with him when you are gone, but it may be something you have to cope with until he gets to a point where you need to make changes such as hiring help or moving to assisted living.

Keep reassuring him, but don't expect it to last. It will be less frustrating for you to just accept this and that he's not doing this to aggravate you. He's afraid.

Carol

Nell

7/24/09 5:35pm

Thanks you Carol.

I know that if I was in his situation, that I probably would be afraid also. It is very hard to cope. Friend are few and hard to count on...when you need them. I have tried this, and he want accept someone staying with him. I have a work shop, that I go to just have a moment in my life for myself. I have even put in speaker system so he know that I'm there, but this has even failed the task. I know that I really need to accept the situation, but it's very hard. I have always been a very independant person, and he has also, until this illness has set in. Where we are located is very rule, no services are available except for 40-50 miles away. I've check with Church in our area, with no success of finding help. I do appreciate all your help, your articles are great and I enjoy reading them.

Thanks,

Carol Bradley Bursack, Health Guide

7/24/09 5:54pm

Thanks for your kind words. Sometimes all we can do is learn to accept for a time. And then solutions can become more available. Please keep reading. You are among friends.

Carol