How to deal with a parent who is resistant to going to an Alzheimer care facility???

We have similar situation here. The home care for my father-in-law is getting way too expensive and we are thinking to send him to a nice Alzheimer unit. However, he is too alert to leave home and his antisocial character makes it hard to move out. His house is too old to really accomondate his severe Alzheimers. Our plan for now is to do this in a year when he becomes less aware of the surroundings and when he would forget about us. He has a caregiver that he likes, and we plan to take her with him to go to this Alzheimers unit for the daytime to get used to it first. Once he is used to it, the caregiver would not have to come anymore. This is for transition period. Of course, in order to have the caregiver there, they need the certificate of the caregiver and we need to find a cheaper but nice place to go.

Also you don't really need to tell her the truth about moving out. You can just tell her that she is going to a place for her health. I don't think it helps to tell her that she is not "at home" and etc. Just distract her attention and make her like the new place and etc.

Our member Dorian Martin and Carol Bursack all have this experience of sending their parent to the nursing home. Check out their posts and they have lots of great advices on this issue. They both mentioned that it is important to be in partnership with the facility so they can work it out with the family.

Take care,

Nina

One thing you should keep in mind is that moving a person who is confused may present some difficult issues.  Moving can represent a tremendous loss, similar to feelings of grief.  Your mother is familiar with her environment and most likely feels comfortable with having her personal belongings around her daily. When moving someone to a facility, especially when the person is resistant, a helpful tactic is to keep the person involved in the process.  Going to visit the facility with her and meeting some of the staff can help familiarize her with the setting.  You might want to inquire if the facility will allow the option for her to participate in a trial day or even overnight.  This could help her to trust the environment and the decision for the move.  The key point is that she needs your support and understanding.  It is difficult to anticipate what, if any, her reactions would be to moving.  There may be an adjustment period for her but, know that after a short while, when she begins to recognize the facility as her new home, and she learns her way around, she will settle in.  You want to make sure you respect her feelings and validate her fears in the transition.    

Having a dementia diagnosis impairs judgment, so chances are your mother cannot reason with you about this decision.  She may not understand the risks of remaining at home and the extraordinary costs and strain caregiving takes on the family.  It is important you try and work on your own ways of dealing with the situation.  Joining a support group or finding other means of support services can be useful.  Always remember your ultimate goal is to provide your mother with a safe environment, where she can be provided with a consistent routine and good quality of life.