Hi Michael,

This is really unusual. Is it possible that her son is so upset about "the way she is" that he doesn't want anyone to see her like that? Therefore, he lays the blame on the doctor and keeps family from visiting her? That is horribly sad, if that is the case. He likely feels it's the best, however, so I wouldn't judge him.

There's no medical reason that I know of (I am not a medical person) where this would be warranted. Having peers around her should be good for her. If she is aggressive and they feel she may harm other elders, then they should work with behavior, give her lots of attention and maybe medication to calm her, such as anti-anxiety medication. I'm assuming she is on Alzheimer's medication, already, or that it has been considered by a qualified doctor.

I've heard from some people who say that they can't visit a loved one for a month, or whatever, after they go into a nursing home. That is impossible for me to comprehend, and I would challenge any doctor who orders this, if indeed this comes from a doctor.

There's only so much you can do, since you don't have legal rights to visit, but my condolences to the whole family. Alzheimer's is hard for a family to cope with. Some family members are ashamed of the way the person afflicted with the disease acts, so they don't want them in public. Archaic thinking, but it does occur.

Try to stay friendly and in touch with your cousin. If you have a mutual friend, maybe they could talk with him?

Take care, 

Carol

This sounds like a difficult and distressing situation for you.  Although there can be many reasons as to why your aunt's son is keeping this information from you, there may be some things you can do to change his mind. You might have to broach the issue by having an open and honest discussion about your aunt and her importance in your life. Explain to him that you are aware how challenging and complex caring for someone with Alzheimer's disease can be, and how you can only imagine what he must be going through. Find out if there is anything you can do to help him, to perhaps ease the pressure of his routine. By forming an alliance of sorts, you can help build a rapport and promote better communication. If he is resistant, try figuring out why he won't disclose this information, and be supportive of the response you receive. Perhaps there is an element of shame that he is trying to hide, or he is afraid of anybody getting too closely involved in her care. It is difficult to really know what he is thinking without hearing it in his own words. If he has trouble discussing his feelings with you, suggest that he join a local support group, or reach out to organizations that can help him through the process. You can encourage him to contact the AFA at (866) 232-8484, where he can have a confidential discussion with a licensed social worker. For all you know, it may be easier for him to speak with an anonymous person than a family member.